


My Mind Secedes

by keikei



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Addiction, Alternate Universe - No Sgrub Session, Blood, Blood Drinking, F/F, Gen, Rainbow Drinkers, Vampires
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-04
Updated: 2016-02-21
Packaged: 2018-04-24 20:23:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 20
Words: 42,049
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4934032
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/keikei/pseuds/keikei
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A story about addiction, blood, lust, and death.<br/></p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

**PROLOGUE**

 

Vice runs through everything - keeping those who don't wish to think away from their own thoughts, dosing us with bliss. Indulging in vice becomes a process, something to repeat to keep those thoughts and urges at bay. Through repetition, it becomes routine. Perhaps the sensation may get dulled, but at the point of addiction, it is no longer about the feeling. It is about this routine. Without the routine, they become less than nothing. Hollow. The routine calls them back, beckoning them with a siren song. Once the tune has lured them back, the routine begins anew, and they are whole again.

 

In circumstances of dubious relevance, Kanaya Maryam died. Ordinarily, this would be classified as a rather bad thing, but death did not do much to impede Kanaya. Death downright helped the girl, in fact; because, soon after passing, Kanaya picked herself right back up and started life anew, as a rainbow drinker.

 

The concept of a rainbow drinker had been something of a fascination for Kanaya for quite some time. It was an absolute power fantasy; there was something darkly appealing about what abilities one would gain. Kanaya spent hours immersing herself in those tales, often dreaming of what it might be like to relate to the ghastly, wonderful creatures. But what she felt once she became one herself was an altogether more thrilling beast. As soon as she'd realized what she had become, the prospects were already running through her head. Not long after that, a more primal hunger welled up within her. It was a tantalizing war cry that urged her to make haste and test her newly awakened powers. Her mind was clear her path set. She needed blood, immediately.

 

Kanaya’s first feeding was something of an awkward affair - she had died en route to a meeting with a friend, and ended up arriving late after she picked herself up. When she did show up, her friend was rather perturbed to see the spattering of jade blood over her dress. That wasn’t like her at all. He barely had time to inquire about Kanaya’s state, though, before she had pulled him in an embrace and placed her mouth firmly on his neck.  Her fangs sunk straight in. Not particularly deep - she wasn’t aiming to _hurt_ the guy, simply to satiate something she could not ignore. And when the blood began to flow, _oh_ , such bliss had never been felt by any one troll. The flow of bronze ambrosia sent her mind awash with... well, not quite images. It was more akin to a raw _sensation -_ one beyond description. It was only through incredible restraint that Kanaya pulled herself away. The drinker stared at her ‘victim’, both still reeling from the experience. He rubbed at his neck - though certainly unexpected, it wasn’t that painful -  Kanaya, now satiated, apologized for the suddenness of it all. The drinker explained what had occurred and the two continued as if nothing had changed.

 

By the end of perigee, Kanaya had re-adjusted her life to fit what she had been granted. Some of her close companions had been willing to give her a small amount of their blood when the hunger could no longer be contained. This was the solution most of the time - though there were moments when a sudden pang of need rose up inside her. This called for a more intrusive method - feeding from the unwilling. Kanaya would find nearby hives, sneak her way inside, and locate a sleeping one. Soft as she could, she’d bring them up and bite into them. The feeding was quick, and didn’t _entirely_ satisfy the drinker, but... it was enough. Before the sleeper could even realize what had befallen them, Kanaya was out of sight.

Each caste of blood seemed to hold its own distinct flavour. Those lower down the ladder tasted more earthy, dirty, exciting. Soporific swill designed for a cheap, delicious thrill. Kanaya had to admit that these tastes were the ones that enthralled her the most - the rush that came from a lowblood was so _instantaneous_. More middle-ground blood - her own included - provided a refreshing, cooling taste. This kind of blood provided clarity, cleansing the mind of woe, and a more subdued, thoughtful experience. She did not have much experience with the taste of highbloods - the furthest rung she had savoured was of indigo. Going by this, though, it could be correctly surmised that the grandest of bloods provided a more refined taste - the type that would be sipped at fancy parties, sniffed, and then sipped slowly. Something that was a luxury. Each different colour had its own little subtleties to be explored, and none weren’t absolutely _delicious_.

 

And so Kanaya fed. The blood flowed and the drinker was satisfied. There were other subtleties that passed Kanaya by, though. The fact that her hunger seemed to arise quicker and quicker with each feeding. That more and more blood needed to be taken before she felt compelled to pull away. That she was garnering increased apathy towards keeping those she fed from comfortable. It was a slow burn, but an inevitable one.

 

And tonight, the hunger was burning strong - it had flared up suddenly, as the drinker slept. It made her feel absolutely feral. Kanaya leapt awake, a guttural, urgent growl escaping her. Unkempt and underdressed, she wasted no time in starting the hunt.

 

It stirred within her, guiding her forward. She knew not where she would end up, but she was certain of what would be found once she arrived. The trees were but a blur around her, feet simply gliding across the dirt.  All she could see was black but for bright, pulsating colour along the rim of her vision. Instinct alone brought her upon another’s hive. It was not one she was familiar with, nor did it matter. With nary a thought, she climbed the structure, her speed allowing her to scramble up within seconds.

 

 _Inhale. Slow down. Get a sense of your surroundings. Sniff them out. Exhale._ All was quiet - no troll or lusus to be found. The stink of blood was unmistakably close, though. With the last scraps of her composure, she suppressed the urge to thunder right to the source. Briefly, she illuminated the darkness surrounding to get a better impression of the hive she had entered. Everything was rather messy. Disgusting amounts of trash littered the ground. A bust was toppled and shattered. Dismal conditions all around.

 

Slinking out of the room, Kanaya entered a stairwell. There was a similar level of disrepair here - cracks in the window, the stone of the stairs themselves chipped and dusty. It was getting harder for the drinker to keep her starvation at bay. Quick as she could whilst still maintaining a noise level that could be called ‘stealthy’, she finally found where the blood lay sleeping.

 

Submerged within a cozily small recuperacoon was a young male, - Kanaya took him for perhaps five sweeps - still and peaceful. He was as scruffy as expected, and let out an _awful_ snore. The drinker slumped forward, singing silent praise to nothing in particular. Shaking, she now stood facing down at him.

 

She picked up the slumbering male, slowly and carefully, as not to stir him. She was hot with anticipation, but knew the value of exercising caution. Her mouth was practically drooling as it came mere inches from his neck... even _imagining_ the feeling that was coming was near equal the joy the act provided. The sleeper was still. Her fangs pierced their target, and the nectar began to flow. Kanaya drunk deeply, absolutely revelling in his taste, and then...

 

Nothing.

 

Nothing?

 

That wasn’t right at all.

 

Perhaps she hadn't drank enough.

 

Kanaya pierced further, drank deeper. The taste was certainly thicker and richer than before, and she was momentarily excited, but still, that _sensation_ refused to come. Worse still, as was within reasonable expectation, the vessel began to awaken. His initial drowsiness was swiftly quashed when the rather uncomfortable pain he was in hit him. He let out a cry, beginning to swat feebly at whatever it was that gripped him. It turned into a fray, as Kanaya was caught up in a feeding frenzy that showed no signs of dissipating.

 

With a great, tired struggle, the male managed to force her off, which turned out to be a mistake; a rupture formed as the drinker’s fangs were ripped from his neck. Bursts of his lifeblood were forced out in uneven flows, the frenzied Kanaya recovering and trying to catch droplets on her tongue like a child with falling snowflakes. Then finally, a mind-numbing euphoria came, nigh-orgasmic. Giddy and giggling, the drinker writhed with joy.

 

By the time the male, hand over neck, was awake enough to register what was going on, there was no-one else in the room. The male sat in near-mortal pain, body and floor stickied with blood.

 

Bursting with energy, time hardly passed for Kanaya before she had returned to her hive. Sunlight pierced her vision, yet she felt nothing but vigor. The day was so full of _possibilities_!  Perhaps she’d simply express her utter _elation_ to someone - everyone. Or she’d make something. Who knows what? A dress would be too _typical_ \- it was time for something new. Unique!  Or, or, or... what? There was a momentary slump in her thoughts. Perhaps it was time to...

 

She clenched her fists and growled. Stumbling for a moment before she ended up on the floor, Kanaya was hit with a sudden stab of lethargy. The ceiling stared back at her, white and empty. She felt like nothing in particular, unable to move. Stuck. Nothing could be heard as she tried to let out a groan. Feeling as if her un-life was at an end, she spent all her effort into sitting up. As she looked down at herself, instinct took over.

She raked her mouth across her arms, completely disregarding the pain. The dam burst, a beautiful river of jade bursting out. For a moment, Kanaya was at peace, mind plunged into utter elation. No longer was she in her room - she didn’t have any sense of place or time. She simply was, and it was blissful. The ground was littered with blossoms. Flowers fluttered in the breeze. Chilly air passed by, and snowflakes melted upon her face, making the drinker giggle. It was all white. And then all was black.


	2. Chapter 1 - In The Morning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's Chapter 1. AO3 is a liar.

_Wind blows crystalline shards of snow over and around the mountain; they shatter and melt away as they touch rock. Terra firma has been long forgotten - and yet, glancing upwards, it is apparent the peak is still a great distance away. Indeed, it seems that this spot is only about a third of the way up. The breeze is still biting, but the river freely flows. The gems in the jade water sparkle with dazzling radiance._

_The only life blossoming up here is found upon the shore of these rivers - small patches of grass, some flowers. Here the wind ceases to be, and the water radiates a pleasant, birthing warmth. Upwards the river runs into the invisible chasm above. Something is writhing._

_Floating with a watchful eye, the heart beats, as it always has. All these streams of green flow here, feeding it. Something is squirming. The heart pumps faster, squeezing out its juices. The water starts to flood the heart in an aggressive deluge. The heart is skeptical of just how much it can contain. Something is fighting its way out. All at once, the dazzling rivers cease to be,  the heart fails, and a gnarled hand emerges. Everything is a mess._

_In the endless desert, someone sits. They wear nothing but a simple cowl, obscuring their face but for a hint of gold that occasionally gleams in the sunlight. Time does not seem to be a concept here. They remain motionless. Both moon and sun hang overhead. The infinite sand around seems neatly combed._

_Eight cracks can be heard, piercing the silence that has lasted forever. They remain as still as ever as a nest of young spiders crawl out of the cowl. The little creature’s touch feels pleasant, warm. The group skitters over their body, engulfing her. For the first time in unliving memory, they move - an arm moves up, a hand gathering the beasts up. The spiders are brought up to the mouth. With a blow, they are dust._

 

There was blood all over the floor.  Kanaya lay still, vision still clouded with darkness. The only thing to that indicated to her that she was conscious was the dull, gruelling movement of her eyes. Her senses returned to her in a slow crawl - the silence ringing in her head was replaced by a slow, laboured breathing. She felt something make its way across her back. Dimly, she became aware of the pulsations in one of her arms. All at once, everything was clear, and she was made aware of how still she lay.

 

Breathing in, she moved to lift herself up - though her first attempt at getting to her feet is a valiant one, her weakness was still apparent - collapsing head-on back onto her blood. Kanaya mumbled something incomprehensible as she tried to rise again. This second wind paid off, the girl grunting with effort as she managed to stand. A sudden winding stumbled her, though, causing her to fall against the corner of a dresser. A small crunch can be heard as the small of her back crashes into the edge. Hissing at herself, Kanaya slammed her fist against the dresser; this only serves to exasperate her pain.

 

Bringing her functional hand upon the dresser, she turned herself around to glance into the mirror. She found the sight that greeted her to be rather pathetic. Hair matted in jade, face smeared in the same. Stained clothes. Wide eyes, agape mouth. Looking like she’d just fought off some murderous beast.

 

That wound was rather unsightly, too. A tear from the wrist snaking down to the inner elbow. The skin on the outer edges was frayed.  And, of course, her arm was deeply stained green. The seepage of blood hadn’t stopped, but it had slowed significantly. Kanaya snatched a bundle of blue cloth up, wrapping it around the forearm. There would be time for real medical attention later. First things first, she needed to have a talk with herself.

 

She came eye to eye with her visage. An absolute mess, still. It was not just her own blood that coated her - there were specks of bronze, touching at her face and patterning her clothes. What she had done fully hit her. The poor kid. No-one deserves to have their neck ripped open in the middle of the night, but would it have killed her instinct to go for someone who was at least _used_ to pain?

 

And more than that; it had satisfied her. She didn’t care for him - she’d gotten what she’d needed. This was beginning to interfere with her life in a way she was not comfortable with. She’d stop. She’d have to. Breathe in. Breathe out.

 

Her composure somewhat regained, Kanaya shot a cursory glance towards the window. The gentle glare of first light hit her eyes. All was still as the world seemed to sleep. She must have been out for at least half the night. Everything felt almost serene; calming to her troubled thoughts.

 

She looked back inside. All those stains would take some effort to get out. She’d get around to that later.

 

A blinking light caught her attention. Missed messages. They’ll prove a nice distraction. She set herself down, poking at a switch. A chat client greeted her, the glow from the screen complimenting her own. Two of her friends had sent her something to read - one of them came just after she’d passed out; unfortunate timing, really. She lacked the energy or mindfulness to reply, but she was as well as seeing what she’d missed. First off... her.

 

**arachnidsGrip [AG] began trolling grimAuxiliatrix [GA]**

**AG: Fuuuuuuuussyfangs!**

**AG: You need to hurry up and get 8ack to me!**

**AG: I’ve 8een w8ing, what? Two weeks?**

**AG: Simply unacceptable!**

**AG: Heeeeeeeey.**

**AG: Hey! Don’t go ignoring me! I know you’re there!**

**AG: Fine.**

**AG: At least 8ring it to me when it’s done.**

**AG: And if you’re ‘thirsty’...**

**AG: I could give you a lil’ something for something ::::)**

**AG: So get 8ack to me!**

**arachnidsGrip [AG] ceased trolling grimAuxiliatrix [GA]**

 

Ugh. No time to even dignify her with a response. Let’s move on.

 

**adiosToreador [AT] began trolling grimAuxiliatrix [GA]**

**AT: hEY, kANAYA,**

**AT: lETS, iF YOU WANNA, cONTINUE,**

**AT: tO, uHH, hELP OUT WITH HELPING ME,**

**AT: tO GET ME SAYING THINGS BETTER,**

**AT: aND, mORE CLEARLY,**

**AT: sO,**

**AT: iF YOU WANNA, dO THAT**

**AT: jUST SAY**

**AT: oK, i GUESS NOT?**

**AT: alRIGHT,**

**adiosToreador [AT] ceased trolling grimAuxiliatrix [GA]**

Hm. Not point in getting back to him if he’s not online. He’ll just have to wait it out. Kanaya blinked and gazed out towards the window again. The light had become a little more harsh - she rubbed at her eyes, letting out a little groan. Picking herself up, she started attempting to occupy herself, wound be damned.

 

The plants could use some attention. She began to tend to them all - watering them, snipping them, making them look presentable. Great, obsessive care is taken to ensure every leaf looks sleek and shiny, every stem is straight and strong. Absolutely immaculate.

 

The day grew hotter as Kanaya carried out her self-imposed tasks. It is past high noon when she is finally content with the condition of her plant life. Her heart beat in irregular patterns. She chewed on her lip. Turning to the window, a heavy burst of sunlight ran over her in waves. It was a pleasant feeling, one that served to tell her about how time has passed.

 

Kanaya returned to her perch upon the windowsill, shutting her eyes and taking in the warmth of the air. She pitied those who lack the ability to experience this. She’d wish it upon everyone if she was able. Down below, the mother grub wriggles around. Kanaya let slip a small smile, before looking back inside with a sigh.

 

She is tired. At least her hive looked somewhat respectable. The lightest of breezes passed through the room for a moment, making the leaves flutter. Dew sparkles in the sunlight. Kanaya breathed in the peace as she moved to retire for the day.

 

Sleep came to her with gentle ease. Her unconscious thoughts were completely blank as the light outside withered away.

 

The first signs of darkness began to flood the land as her eyes flickered open. The room was dim, save for the small area her own light was illuminating. That, and the light blinking at her across the room. More messages. Well, it was an excuse to get up.

 

Flick. Screen light. Ah. Her again. And mere minutes ago, too.

 

**arachnidsGrip [AG] began trolling grimAuxiliatrix [GA]**

**AG: You’re really keeping me waiting, aren’t you?**

**AG: You wouldn’t 8e avoiding me, right? ::::)**

Oh, let’s get this over with.

 

**GA: No**

**AG: Ohh, 8rief and mysterious.**

**GA: I Am Tired**

**AG: Excuses, excuses!**

**AG: Maybe Ms. Fussyfangs needs a drink?**

**AG: Is that it? 8ecause if you DO need a 8ite... ::::)**

**GA: Why Do You Seem So Taken With The Idea Of Someone Biting You**

**AG: Wouldn’t you like to know?**

**GA: Yes That Is Why I Asked**

**AG: Wheeeeeeeere is my jacket, fussyfangs?**

**GA: Coming**

**AG: So untalkative! Fine. 8ut I expect it soon!**

**GA: I Said It Was Coming Didnt I**

**AG: Soooooooon!**

**arachnidsGrip [AG] ceased trolling grimAuxiliatrix [GA]**

 

The absolute she-witch. Kanaya couldn't even begin to recall why she'd said she would make it in the first place. Was there some sort of exchange of goods? A favour? Who knows?

 

She glanced over to where the jacket lay, mostly finished. It was certainly an improvement on that dusty gray number. The cooling air whispered to her. She goes to finish the job.

 

This sort of work returned Kanaya to a feeling of normality - she felt no desire to gouge into fabrics, nor did she ever hunger for the cold metal flesh of a sewing machine. This was just regular work. The garment in question was only lacking the end of a sleeve. In her glow, it looked - and Kanaya had no other word for it - lovely. A black and white piece with a pattern of her own design, one that spoke of both danger and enticement. Like a snake. Or a spider, she supposes.

 

She began picking up where she had left off. She was forced to take it slower than she was used to, her arm still occasionally crying out with pangs of pain, but she was skilled enough to work around her injury. The room slowly inched towards complete blackness - another dark season was approaching. Kanaya’s light kept her work visible, though, and it was at last complete.

 

Kanaya picked herself up from her work space, noticing how dark it had become. Outside her window, she could see the moons above doing their best to illuminate the world. She never went out yesterday. It was nigh time to get some fresh air. Kanaya went to her mirror, seeing that she still looked as much a wreck as she did last night. Running a hand over her face, she found it felt dry, harsh. For a moment, she considered cleaning herself up, but... no-one would see her where she was going.

 

Outside, the night air filled her lungs, calming her. Everything was dark but for whatever lay illuminated a few feet in front of her. Trees began to grow in her vision as she started her walk. It was a practiced walk, one she doesn’t need to think about. The ambient sounds of tiny animals and the occasional crunching of fallen leaves filled her mind with images of serenity. The woods began to make themselves sparse and Kanaya found herself ascending a hill. It wasn’t a particularly vigorous walk - the slope was soft and low. Before long, she has reached the top, where she lay down upon the dew-peppered grass.

 

She would come here often. At times, whatever pressure her life was giving her could seem insurmountable. Perhaps she just simply wished to lay in peace for a small while. No-one ever came up here. It felt like her own little hideaway, tucked out in the open. Especially on darker nights, it could put Kanaya in an almost dreamlike state. There was something awesomely ethereal about it all.

 

Her peace was interrupted as a hot flash ran through her body. Thirst. It was not enough to drive her into need - but it was there nonetheless, and it would only come stronger as time went on. Kanaya clenched the grass with both hands, aggravated. It was time to put it into words - this ‘dream’ of hers had become more of a burden than she had ever planned for. She raises the cloth-covered arm. Small oozings of green run over the blue fabric. She unwinds the makeshift gauze, taking a look at the wound, glowing with her own light.

 

It had stopped bleeding by now, of course, but it threatened to open up again with even the slightest bump. Her arm was still dyed deep in jade. Dried as it was, the blood almost seemed to glisten under her glow.

 

She started to make a silent promise to herself that this will cease, that she will stop her feeding. Then she laughed aloud, realizing the futility of that idea. She had to contend with what she has become. Another flash rockets through her whole body. It was still ignorable, but it was still there.

 

Kanaya had no wish to sully her place of peace. Discarding the cerulean cloth, she returned to her feet, moving homeward.

 

The jacket stared at her as she stepped back into her room. Picking it up, she ran her fingers over it. It really was nice. There was no point in having it lie around here any longer. It should get delivered.

 

Catching herself in the mirror again, it dawned on her she’d need to clean herself up if she’s going to be meeting with someone. Time to finally fix that hair. Wash the blood away. Hide that arm.

 

The blood was difficult to wash away in some places - especially the hair - but it came off with a determined effort. Special care had to be taken around the gash, the threat of it reopening ever-present, but Kanaya took enough precaution as to make this a non-issue. As for hiding it from any oglers, she opted to robe herself in a sweater of her own creation. Grey. Slightly too long, by design. A two-tone green scarf to accompany it, one that covered her mouth. The wind outside - which began to intensify as the night progressed - would do nothing to impede her. She looked good.

 

Before she left, Kanaya decided to inform her friend that she should be expecting her.

 

**grimAuxiliatrix [GA] began trolling arachnidsGrip [AG]**

**GA: It Is Coming**

She noted that a response was being typed.

**grimAuxiliatrix [GA] ceased trolling arachnidsGrip [AG]**

 

 

Jacket in tow, Kanaya began to make her way. This walk was a lot more effort - longer, far more hilly, colder - but there was still something relaxing about it all. There was not a single passerby on her way. It kept her mind focused on the task at hand. She immersed herself before in her own thoughts, and, before much time had passed in her head, she found that she was at the foot of the spider’s den.

 

 


	3. Chapter 2 - Newark Wilder

Despite the winds getting harsher as she continued the ascent, Kanaya remained warm, her scarf a dimly lit flag. As her climb came to an end, a great set of doors loomed before her, tall and threatening. Miniscule and kitsch in comparison was the doorbell - a plastic spiderweb design. It felt much like a real spiderweb when touched - Kanaya’s finger sunk inside it, threatening to get caught in the webs. How it actually functioned as a doorbell was anyone’s guess.

 

Regardless, a harsh-sounding ‘bell’ rang out, sounding like the skittering of giant legs all across the hive. Did she really need to adhere to the spider theme so vigorously? She had to concede, though, the artistic cohesion was admirable.

 

The doors began to open, and, given their size, they dragged across the ground slowly. It was hideously inconvenient. Bit by bit, a spindly figure began to emerge from the darkness, posing with hands on hips. So flashy. Light began to shine through, and soon enough Vriska Serket’s grinning face was illuminated.

 

“Oh, what an unexpected pleasure!” Vriska’s voice thundered outside as the doors at last slammed against the walls.

Kanaya stared at her blankly. “This wasn’t unexpected at all. I said I was coming here.”

Vriska rolled her eyes in reply. “Brimming with laughter and joy as always, lightbulb.”

Kanaya invited herself inside, jacket held underarm. Vriska held no objections as the doors began grinding themselves closed again.

 

The Serket hive was a well-maintained clutter. The imposing outside view and ornate nature of the entranceway did much to disguise what lay in the interior. The ceiling was low and the room itself small.There were discarded books - what Kanaya assumed to be FLARP manuals - strewn around. A circular mirror was hung up on the wall, next to a few posters. There were a few seats and a couch surrounded a table, where two distinct dark marks could be found, embossed from feet resting upon it. A husktop was placed on one of the seats. A red glint flashed in Kanaya’s eyes.

 

“So!” Vriska’s voice brought her attention back to the spider. “I think you have something for me.” Mid-sentence, Vriska twisted herself in front of Kanaya, moving to snatch the coat away from her. Kanaya kept it out of her reach - like a needy child, honestly.

“Please be careful. You’ll end up tearing it.”

Vriska grinned in a very Vriska-like manner. “Pretty cheaply made if it rips from just a little tearing, don’t ya think?”

Raising a hand to her chest, Kanaya put up a mock affront. “I assure you that not a thread on this is ‘cheaply made’. It would be pretense to suggest otherwise.” She brought the jacket back down, presenting it _properly._

“Yeah, yeah, don’t get yourself too worked up.” Taking the jacket and draping it upon herself, Vriska placed herself in front of the mirror, posing as heroically as she did at the entranceway. Kanaya was incapable of suppressing a faint smirk of amusement - and also a glimmer of pride. It looked good.

 

This was probably aided in part by Vriska herself. Kanaya had to admit, she was pulling it off. Well, of course she was. It was designed for her. Still... the way she handled herself lent itself well to really bringing out the intricacies of Kanaya’s design. She looked good.

 

She let her gaze sit for a moment, then looked back to the doors. Her task was done, so it was time to leave. Leaving Vriska to admire herself more, Kanaya turned and began to leave. Her exit was postponed, though, as her scarf was unceremoniously taken from her. She sighed, taking a breath and turning back.

 

“Yes?” She stared blankly at Vriska, who had placed the scarf upon herself.

“Weeell.” Her eyes lit up in a manner that suggested to Kanaya that something she wasn’t going to like was soon coming. “You can’t expect me to believe you came all this way just to hand over a jacket, can you?”

There was that grin again. Devilish. “That was the sole reason for my visit. That’s why I was leaving.”

 

Vriska removed the scarf, craning her head to the side. Kanaya surmised that it was Vriska’s intent to bring her attention to her neck. This again. Why she was so insistent on getting bit, Kanaya did not understand.

“One other reason, surely?”

Was that her attempt at sounding innocent? There were points for effort, certainly, but it was hardly convincing.

 

Kanaya’s first instinct was to just glare at her and then leave. But then, she had to consider - though the thirst wasn’t particularly virulent, she would be remiss to deny an opportunity to be satiated. To drink from someone that was willing, too, was definitely a preferable option.

 

And... cerulean blood was wonderful. Refreshing and refined. She’d hesitate to call it her favorite, but she certainly took great pleasure from it. And here, in front of her, was an opportunity to have that sensation once more. There was something offputting about how very willing Vriska was, but that wasn’t necessarily a negative. She wasn’t kneeling before her whim. They were simply mutually benefitting.

 

Yawning, Vriska rubbed at her neck. “No? Well, then I guess you do have to get goin’ then. See you, Maryam.” There was that knowing grin. She’d twisted Kanaya around her finger. Again. Though, this would provide Kanaya with an opportunity to ask about something that had held her curiosity.

 

She sighed dramatically, in an effort to appease the other’s flair. “Fine. Sit.” A giddy look set on her face, Vriska does as told. Kanaya moves with her, seating herself. The scarf is tossed upon the table, fortunately not covering the object of Kanaya’s curiosity.

 

“Jacket off. I will not have any blood running onto out.”

Vriska snickered, but obeyed, tossing the coat onto a separate seat. That was not the degree of care Kanaya wanted her to take, but she could hardly expect that out of her. “Fine, bossyfangs. You can be so cold, y’know that?”

Kanaya could not help but give into her humour. “You’ll find I am actually pretty warm. Owing to the glow, I believe.” Her only form of reply was another roll of the eyes, still grinning. “Get on with it, then.”

 

There was no sense in arguing with that. Kanaya leaned forward, baring those fangs. Vriska’s neck was bared before her. She prepared to bite in - and then stopped, taking the red glasses from the table and holding them between the two.

 

“Forgive my inquisitiveness, but I was wondering what these were doing here? As I remember, these aren’t yours.”

Vriska blinked, taking a moment to process this, clearly disappointed. She tried to take the glasses back for herself. Kanaya did not allow it.

“Have you gone blind? I apologise if I’ve made a mistake.”

Vriska folded her arms. “She was here earlier. Forgot ‘em.”

Kanaya raised an eyebrow, finding a lack of validity in that excuse. “She forgot them. The glasses she always wears.”

Vriska threw up her hands, attempting to suggest she found the story as likely as Kanaya did. It was half-convincing. “That’s what I thought too! But here we are.”

The two stared each other down for a moment, letting the confusion simmer. Kanaya placed the glasses back down on the table, opting to leave it for now. She didn’t expect a straight answer from Vriska - and it would be easy enough to ask Terezi later.

 

“Well, where were we?” Kanaya grinned, content with having gotten one over on Vriska. The spider kept silent, her mood somewhat fouled. Kanaya leaned closer, showing off her fangs once more. “Oh, come now. I don’t understand _why,_ but you seemed so enamoured with the idea earlier. Why the hesitation now?”

 

Vriska stared daggers at her, and then buckled. “Fine. Go ahead, then!”  Her arms remained firmly folder. Kanaya savoured this small victory, pressing her hands upon Vriska’s shoulders and towering over her. Without another word, Kanaya brought her head down towards the neck. From here, she was able to get the scent of blood, still running underneath her skin. Carefully placing her teeth, Kanaya bites. She can hear Vriska inhale sharply, placing a hand on Kanaya’s back. She begins to drink.

 

As the blood flows into her mouth, the drinker is taken to a world of her own. Her mind is overrun with intangible feeling, an electric network of chemicals and sensation. Once again time fades out from around her, leaving her in a void where there is nothing but the blue running into her mouth. Even through this, she exercises restraint, careful not to overdraw - for both their sakes. The feeling does not get stale, instead balancing out into a constant, low buzz. She opens her eyes.

 

Kanaya broke the seal, bringing her head back and placing a hand over the piercings in Vriska’s neck. They looked at one another, blank-faced. “You’ll want to cover that up.” Kanaya spoke with a quiet calm. Her reply was not instantaneous - Vriska continued to stare up at her with dazed content. Kanaya looked at her curiously, almost recognizing the look. Vague theories began to float around her mind, beginning to cultivate suspicions as to what Vriska was gaining from this.

 

“Hm? Yeah, right. I’ll get right on that.” She removed Kanaya’s hand from her neck, replacing it with her own. With that, Kanaya picked herself up, excusing herself. The glasses stared at her. She’d have to remember to open up her inquiry. Vriska sat still, hand over neck, as Kanaya moved to leave.

 

Once more, though, her exit was stalled - this time, she was grabbed by the arm. Her wounded arm. Fingers dug deep into the cut, forcing a pained growl from Kanaya. She turned back to Vriska, glaring.

 

“Calm yourself, Maryam, damn. Here.” She tossed Kanaya’s scarf back at her - it ended up hanging over her shoulder. Kanaya mumbled a thanks. “Where’d the crabbiness come from?” Vriska looked at her, interest in her eyes. “Hurt yourself?”

 

Kanaya wrapped the scarf around herself, silent. She began to open the doors, ignoring Vriska’s prodding. As soon as they were wide enough, she left hurriedly. Vriska’s voice tapered off as she made her way downhill.

 

She already felt the blood dripping out of the wound. Her sweater was already slick with it. Another piece of clothing bloodied. Wonderful.

 

She breathed in. Regardless, she remained calm. Vriska’s blood had done her good. The wound didn’t feel particularly painful - she was simply annoyed that Vriska now knew she had a slit in her arm.

 

Serket. Kanaya was having difficulty pushing her out of mind. She didn’t readily want to admit it, but... the spider had something of an intoxicating presence. Her unabashed nature was... alluring, she supposed. She stuck in the mind.

  
The wind began to settle down. Looking back at the spider’s den once more, Kanaya began to make her way home.


	4. Chapter 3 - Paper Thin Walls

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It is Chapter 3. AO3 continues to be a bold-faced lie machine.

Like rain running down glass, the blood trickled down Kanaya’s sleeve. She felt it clinging to her fingers, determined to stain her before it fell to the ground. It was no longer ignorable. She sat herself down against a rock and pulled the stickied sleeve up, examining the wound in her own dim light.

Serket had dug her fingers in pretty deep. Most of it was re-opened, and ribbons of blood were now cascading down her arm. The illuminated jade coating her pale skin was lustrous; Kanaya’s gaze was held on it, captivated. She was gripped in electric infatuation, numb to any pain the gash tried to deal.

She forced the sleeve back down. It was less than ten minutes since she’d last drank - and besides, she had vowed never to take from herself again. It would be a last resort, at any rate. There was no benefit in being so self-destructive. She’d have to finally get it tended to properly once she’d returned to her hive.

For the remainder of her return, Kanaya kept her mind occupied with what she could see in front of the darkness around her. It was never the most scenic of trails - many dusty paths littered with pebbles and faded footsteps, leading into something that could almost be considered a park, if not for the major abandonment issues it suffered. Burned trees and crumbled statues suggested a history, but Kanaya certainly didn’t know it.

Soon enough, she found herself traversing through more familiar forests. Beasts small and large chirruped and hollered into the night, creating a small symphony with the wind and the leaves. Her stroll passed in a pleasant haze before she felt sand underfoot and the shadow of her hive stood before her.

The moons indicated that just over half the night had gone. She wasn’t used to being up so... early. As much of an oddity as it was, Kanaya enjoyed being one of the few to be greeted from respite by the sun. It forced upon her a degree of asociality, certainly, but there were times where she didn’t necessarily consider this a detraction.

Standing in her hive again, she removed the scarf and bloodied sweater. The second piece of clothing in as many nights to be involuntarily dyed. Tsk. The sweater was quickly tossed aside, likely to be discarded. The cut looked back at her - the bleeding had mostly ceased, but her arm still glowed with jade hue. She washed it out until the skin was a clean white once more, this time opting to wrap the wound in something made for the sole purpose of keeping wounds in check. It still snapped at her somewhat, but it was ignorable.

Now: it was time to let her curiosity get the better of her. After returning to her respiteblock, Kanaya’s first port of call was Trollian. And... Terezi was offline. Ah. Kanaya would keep an eye on her status - but in the meantime, Tavros was online. It was nigh time she got back to him.

 

**grimAuxiliatrix [GC] began trolling adiosToreador [AT]**

**GA: Tavros**  
**AT: hI, kANAYA,**  
**AT: hOW ARE YOU dOING,**  
**GA: I Suppose You Could Say Im Alright**  
**GA: And Also**  
**GA: I Apologise That It Has Taken Me So Long To Answer You**  
**GA: I Have Been Busy**  
**GA: How Are You**  
**AT: gREAT, aCTUALLY,**  
**AT: i HAVE BEEN DOING A LOT OF pRACTICE,**  
**AT: aND, iT’S BEEN HELPING A LOT,**  
**AT: aND,**

The two went back and forth for some time. For some time, Kanaya felt completely unchanged - the mood was light and, to a degree, carefree. Things were normal.

\-------------------------------------------

“...Anyway, I got something for ya.”

Terezi grinned, folding her arms. This was very unlike Vriska - there was a catch somewhere here. “How generous of you! Sure you’re feeling alright?”  
Vriska let out the barest hint of a chuckle. “Nah, don’t get me wrong, Pyrope. I’m clearing some stuff out, and I figured I’d toss some of what I don’t need at you. Win-win, right?”  
Oh, flawless reasoning. A much better explanation than ‘I have some old crap and I want to get rid of it.’ She couldn’t help but appreciate it, though.  
“Well, where is it?”  
“Upstairs.”  
The two sat still, waiting for one another to get up. Seconds sank away before Terezi spoke again.  
“So... you’re gonna get it?” She could hear Vriska’s seat creak as she leaned forward.  
“Huh? No, it's your gift. Up ya go.”  
Terezi released an exaggerated sigh. “You’re making the blind one climb up aaaaaaall those stairs!”  
As expected, Vriska curtly replied, “Yup.”

Well, that’s that argument shut down. She’d been sitting for hours anyway - it was probably a good call to get walking.

The claustrophobic confines of Vriska’s living quarters opened up into the immense, echoey expanse of her staircase. The silence was broken up by the tapping of Terezi’s cane against the stone. The taps were soon accompanied by gentle humming, both sounds bouncing off the walls and temporarily filling the room with a less hollow air.

At last, Terezi reached the peak and poked her head in Vriska’s respiteblock. There was a noticeable grey _something_ hanging in the middle of the room, which Terezi took to be her ‘gift’. Running a hand over it, it became apparent it was a coat. Vriska’s coat, to be specific. Well, she wasn’t expecting something stellar, and considering who she was getting it from, Terezi found the notion downright thoughtful. It’d be getting dark soon, besides. A slightly-too-long coat would be nice. She held it underarm and turned back around.

The taps began to fill the staircase’s silent void. Before Terezi’s descent was complete, though, a third sound accompanied the melody - a harsh skittering that run all throughout the hive. It seemed a second visitor had come knocking. At the bottom once more, Terezi poked her nose into the next room, curious. Something vaguely warm and scentless greeted her - a vaguely familiar feeling that she concluded to be Kanaya Maryam. Hm. Well, Vriska had either conveniently forgotten to mention that she would be visiting - or this was a surprise visit. She pressed her back against the wall as her interest took over.

There was some fracas over a jacket. From what Terezi could piece together, Kanaya had given Vriska a new coat and wanted her to be careful with it. That would explain her willingness to part with the one Terezi now held. It somewhat diminished whatever sentiment was there before, but Terezi knew better than to expect much sentiment from her in the first instance.

Kanaya went to leave, but was stopped. There was clear frustration in her voice, which provided a stark contrast to Vriska’s playful, faux-innocent tone. Soon after, Kanaya relented to whatever request Vriska was making of her. It sounded like they sat down, and... ooh. It looked as if Kanaya had found the glasses. Time to step out, she supposed...

Vriska manufactured the excuse that Terezi was here, she had simply left without them. Well, that was curious. As far as Terezi knew, there was no reason for Vriska to disguise her presence. She’d play along, though. She rather liked the snooping game. Kanaya clearly didn’t believe her, but the subject was quickly dropped. Terezi already expected a message from her later.

Ooh. Then there was a faint hint of blueberry in the air. So that’s what Vriska wanted from her? All too interesting. And - though barely audible - Terezi swore she could hear a _whimper_. Oh dear, Serket. Revealing your weaknesses so readily. It took all of Terezi’s composure not to release a chortle that would expose her.

The two broke apart, the scent a little stronger as the blood began to escape. There was an awkward moment as they both got to their feet. Once more, Kanaya’s escape was foiled. This seemed to compound her frustration further - even from the other side of the room, Terezi could hear a distinct growl come from Kanaya. Hmm... and something of a minty scent, too. Was it her turn to bleed?  
Kanaya wasn’t willing to provide answers, though. Without another word, she made her leave. As the doors closed once more, Terezi emerged from her little corner, humming pleasantly. “So who was at the door?”  
She could hear Vriska rubbing at her neck. “Oh, don’t act like you don’t know. No way it took you that long to get up and back down.”  
Terezi shrugged, baring a grin that betrayed her guiltiness. “There ARE a lot of stairs.” Shaking her head, she decided to give up the game. “Really, though. You’re gonna have to tell me what that was about.”  
“She had something for me.”  
Terezi unfurled her own something, placing it on her. It was indeed slightly too long - the tail almost dragged across the floor, in fact - but it was cozy enough. “Certainly explains why you’re pawning your stuff up on me.”  
Vriska placed something against her neck, stemming the flow from the bite. “C’mon. It’s not pawning. It’s a gift!” She placed the new coat on - to Terezi, the design felt sharp, dangerous.  
“Let’s call it both.” She felt around for her glasses, grin widening slightly as she twirled them around in her fingers. “You’ve got me curious, though. Why’d you keep me a secret?”  
“Ugh. Because it saves me a lot of hassle. It's your fault for not wearing the damn glasses!”

Terezi thought on this for a moment. Hassle? She didn’t wholly understand, but it furthered her suspicion that something was going on between those two. What that something was, though, would need further investigation. “I was lying down. Can’t expect me to wear glasses lying down. That’s just uncomfortable.” She gave a few firm nods.  
Vriska threw up her hands theatrically, unable to contend with such firm logic. “Whatever. Whatever!” So peeved. It was amusing.

“Well! That will be all from me.” With a wave, Terezi began to make her way to the exit, wholly expecting to be stopped much like Kanaya. Such a thing never happened, though, with Vriska only managing a “Yeah, later.” Something was certainly bothering her. Oh, the mysteries.

The sky above felt dark - the moons were doing their best to light the lands, but both grass and bubblegum were obscured under a fuzz of murky blackness. It was getting fairly cold - her freshly pawned coat was already proving itself useful. The silence of the deep night gave Terezi some room think as she made her way home.

While she was fairly sure Vriska held some sort of faint red affection for her, she found it curious that she possibly harboured something of the same for Kanaya. It was her assumption they’d have fallen into a more black inclination. Then again, perhaps this wasn’t something the quadrants had an answer for - it could always be a more primal sort of call. It was not her area of expertise, though, so it was not for her to say. The situation certainly interested her, though. A confusing pair indeed. She'd ask Karkat later, feigning an interest in learning about the deep intricacies of the quadrants, recording it all for future reference.

Her hive came up on her quicker than anticipated. Settling back in, she was eager to have this interest satiated. Opening Trollian, her expectations are quickly met. Kanaya messages her within moments.

 

**grimAuxiliatrix [GA] began trolling gallowsCalibrator [GC]**

**GA: Hello**  
**GC: WHO4**  
**GC: 1V3 ONLY B33N ONL1N3 F0R T3N S3CONDS**  
**GC: TH1S MUST B3 URG3NT >8O**  
**GA: Not Really I Just Had A Question Or Two**  
**GC: R34LLY NOW?**  
**GA: Yes**  
**GC: AR3 YOU GONN4 4SK TH3M TH3N?**  
**GA: Yes**  
**GA: Would You Like To Meet Up**  
**GC: OK**  
**GC: W41T**  
**GC: WHY >:?**  
**GA: I Would Like To Talk**  
**GC: W3R3 T4LK1NG NOW DUMMY**  
**GA: I Would Like To Talk Face To Face**  
**GC: HMMMMMM**  
**GC: 4LR1GHT TH3N**

 

Well, of course, she had to accept. Her intrigue as to what was happening here wasn’t going away anytime soon, and at this point it seemed an inevitability that she’d be dragged into the center of it. She was as well as accepting it.


	5. Chapter 4 - I Am Building A Shrine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It is Chapter 4. I promise. Do not believe AO3's lies.

 

They would not be meeting for two nights. Kanaya kept herself hivebound, filling up time with meniality and relaxation. She read, and cleaned, and read again. It was interesting returning to those drinker novels; how much they got right, and how much her own experiences differed. It was funny - like explaining the concept of the ocean to a sea-dweller.

 

The sun rose, set, rose and set again, and Kanaya ceased her respite. The mirror told her that she was presentable. The wound was still stifled in bandages, still unhealed, but slowly subsiding. The young night still offered a small degree of visibility, aiding her in making her way. She would meet Terezi upon a crossroads, where many intersections led to many different hives. It was as close to a ‘public’ space as they got around there.

 

She scratched at her neck, something uncomfortably warm running throughout her body. It was time to leave. The wind outside hummed, cooling her down somewhat. The vexation still pricked at her occasionally, but she made a conscious decision to keep it at bay. The trees opened up into a vast expanse of dirt roads. A lonely bench lay ahead of her.

 

Terezi was already there, sitting and tapping her cane to some unknown beat. Her head turned as she sensed Kanaya’s approach, her ever-present grin growing. And... wearing a jacket that wasn’t hers. In fact, going by the length, colour, and unkempt nature of it, Kanaya could only conclude that it was Vriska’s. She also seemed to have recovered her glasses. Curious.

 

“Kanaya! Great timing. I was getting cold.” Terezi interrupted her thoughts.  “Why’d you have to drag me all the way out here?” Kanaya sat by her, briefly examining her. If there was any form of altercation between her and Vriska, it certainly wasn’t showing. Perhaps they were embroiled in some strange, petty thievery war. That would be odd, granted, but a possibility.

 

She vocalized her thoughts. “Well. I had a few questions I was hoping you could answer. Now, I was going to ask where your glasses had gotten to, but... that situation seems to have been remedied - and you seem to have picked up something extra. Now I’m wondering how that has happened.”

Terezi’s amusement was clearly apparent - Kanaya could swear she heard barely-suppressed snickering lodged in her throat. “Is that so?” She cocked her head at Kanaya, teeth bared. “What do YOU suppose happened?”

 

Arms folded, Kanaya sighed. Terezi clearly intended to toy with her. “I don’t know. That is why I voiced my confusion.” Laughter no longer concealed, Terezi nudged Kanaya with her cane.

“Oh, c’mon. You must have at least a theory.” Kanaya rolled her eyes, knowing she would get nowhere if she didn’t present _something._

 

Relenting, she answered, “Fine. Either Vriska stole your glasses - for what reason, I cannot fathom -  causing you to bring justice to her by taking them back, and stealing something of her own. I can’t imagine _why_ this would be the case, though. It seems on a level of pettiness beyond even Vriska.”

 

Terezi giggled once more, clearly enjoying wringing the pointless out of Kanaya. “Therefore I must imagine she was telling the truth in that you’d left them there. Now, this does little in the way of explaining why you have her jacket on, but... why am I telling you this, again?” She hadn’t come here to be questioned herself over trivialities.

 

“Aww, you were doing good! Had most of the story right. No stealing involved, though. She gave me this, riiiight after she learned she was getting one from you.” Oh, well wasn’t that typical?

“It’s a little large for you, I must point out.”

Terezi shrugged. “I like it that way!” Kanaya could do little to contend with that.

 

Enough sidetracking. It was time she moved onto her main topic of discussion - Vriska herself. “Well, Terezi.” She looked back towards the trees. Everything was dark. “On the subject of Vriska, my primary reason for our meeting was to ask you a simple question - how do you feel she is doing recently?” Terezi stays silent, her confusion appreciable. Kanaya deliberately looked out into the dark expanse, hoping to avoid the other’s gaze for the moment. “I ask you because you’ve seemed very close to her for some time now. I figured that if anyone has any intricate knowledge of her wellbeing, it would be you.”

 

Voice inquisitive, Terezi replied, “Where’s the sudden interest coming from?” Kanaya thought on this for a second, a small smile upon her face.

“Call it friendly concern.”

She knew that wasn’t the answer Terezi seeked, but she seemed to accept it. “Serket’s been... pleasantly upbeat, actually! Still her usual self, most of the time, but there are these sorta... snarkless periods. It’s been kinda nice.”

Kanaya smiled faintly, saying nothing beyond “I see.”

 

Kanaya notes Terezi’s insatiable curiosity, though she remains silent, likely figuring any answers Kanaya provided would be just as vague. Something of an awkward silence hangs in the air before Terezi finally speaks up again.

 

“With that settled, then - how about a question of my own?” Kanaya looks back upon her - she is still grinning, still ready to play around. The warmth shudders through Kanaya once more.

“I suppose that is only fair. Go on.”

She fails to suppress her own giddiness once more. “Well, I have to ask. What’s with the big cut on your arm, hm?”

Kanaya took a moment to process the question. Certainly, Terezi’s nose was good, but the wound was clean, covered, and free of blood. She was sure even Terezi would not have been able to find out about it.

 

Unless... she was around when it _had_ been bleeding. “Terezi.” Kanaya regarded her with an even greater curiosity. “Did you happen to be in Vriska’s hive when she got a visitor?”

Terezi’s giggling was positively uproarious, jovial that Kanaya had pieced it together. “Congratulations! You caught me.”

 

Kanaya thought on this for a moment. “That would mean you noticed me drinking.”

Terezi nodded, still caught up in her personal festivity. “Yup! I’m guessing that’s why I picked up a bit of blueberry slipping out.”

Hm. Blueberry. It didn’t taste very fruity at all, actually.

“And I also noticed Serket’s reaction to it. Hehehe.” Kanaya found herself vaguely amused by this. Yes, she noticed that, too. And the more she thought on it, the more it made sense.

 

Silence permeated the atmosphere once more before Terezi again pierced it. “Well... was that all? I have to say, interesting as this was, I dunno why we had to meet up to do it.”

It was Kanaya’s turn to grin. “Oh, yes, I agree. That said, I’ve only asked one of my questions.”

“Uhuh. Go on?”

 

The heat inside of her bubbled up again as Kanaya ran her eyes over Terezi. “I’ve not yet had a chance to sample teal blood, you see. I’d very much like to try some, if you’d let me.  I much prefer to drink from the willing, rather than... other sources.”

Unconsciously, she rubbed at her arm. Teeth glinting, Terezi considered this. “Heh. What sort of a friend would I be if I didn’t let you bite right down next to a vein?”

Kanaya smiled. “I knew you’d see it that way.”

 

She leaned forward, found her target, and bit down. As expected, the taste lay somewhere between Vriska’s and her own - refreshing, but with a hint of refinement. It was pleasant, certainly. Her enjoyment was interrupted, however, with a tap on her shoulder that indicated the other half of this arrangement did not find it so thrilling.

 

Terezi rubbed at her neck. “Sorry. That was just... well, not my thing.” Kanaya ran a finger over her chin, scraping excess off.   
“Oh, no, I understand. Frankly I’d be concerned if you enjoyed it.”

Terezi smirked. “Like some people?”

Kanaya joined her. “Yes. Like some people.”

“Really, if you’ve got any idea what she’s getting from this, I’d appreciate it if you shared.”  
Kanaya laughed, but did not answer. She would keep her own ideas to herself.

 

Terezi stood up. “If that’s all, then.” Kanaya found no reason to keep her. She began to walk away, then stopped, offering some parting words. “Try not to hurt anyone if you can help it, alright, Kanaya?”

Kanaya stared at her, wondering if that was simple friendly advice. “I’ll keep that in mind.” It wasn’t exactly a concrete answer, but it was the one that came to mind. With that, Terezi vanished into the darkness, the sound of her cane upon the dirt slowly fading out.

 

Kanaya remained seated, thinking on everything; not simply the conversation she’d just had, but all of what had transpired the past few days. She started with what held her interest the most - Vriska’s apparent enjoyment of being drank from. At first, this had simply amused Kanaya, but the more she thought on it, the more it intrigued her.

 

This gave Kanaya some form of power over Vriska. It was a tantalizing prospect. If you’d have given that prospect to her a sweep ago, Kanaya would have dismissed the idea quickly. Vriska was always better than her. Domineering over her. It was a hierarchy she was happy to have remained unchallenged.

 

And it pained Kanaya to admit it, but... it seemed there were flushed feelings there again. For her, at least. It was her impression that everyone else she drank from did it out of some form of obligation, but with Vriska, it felt close and personal. She had her doubts - heavy doubts - that Vriska would ever reciprocate those feelings, but that closeness took her back somewhat.

 

She made a deal with herself. Any effect the teal blood had on her had already been stripped away. Kanaya needed to go to Vriska once more.

 

 


	6. Chapter 5 - Alpha in Tauris

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It is chapter 5. AO3 is a robot built only to produce lies.

The skittering ran all throughout the hive once more. Kanaya stood frozen as she waited for the doors to open, running over the plan in her head again and again. It wasn’t much of a plan, really - more of a reckless charge forward, the kind that didn’t require a great deal of thought. She inhaled as the doors began to drift apart. The shade of Vriska Serket stood before her again - tank top, no jacket. Perfect.

“Ah, Flashlight! Didn’t expect to see you so soon after you ran a-” Whatever frivolity Vriska had in store was quickly dampened as Kanaya placed her fingers on  her shoulder, edging her back into a wall. She did nothing to silence Vriska -  she imagined it was her unexpected forcefulness that did it. They stared at one another for a brief moment, Vriska holding an expression of complete bemusement, Kanaya a smirk that felt wonderful to bare.

She leaned forward and bit. Vriska did nothing to resist. Everything felt as she expected it to - that increasingly familiar flow of cerulean blood filled her mouth, disconnecting her from almost everything. Now, though, she also made an effort to remain conscious of her partner’s reaction. She could hear the sharp intake of breath as her fangs broke beneath the surface, followed by heavy, laboured pants as her body fully registered what was happening.

It spurred Kanaya on. She was cautious of overdrawing, of course, but she would drag this pit as long as she safely could. She drained Vriska slowly, consuming deeply with each motion of her lips. The two were coiled within each other, Kanaya’s mind awash with bliss, longing, and _power,_ while Vriska’s body stirred, above which her face was still plastered with shock and a broad grin that betrayed her own ecstasy.

Time started moving again as they broke apart. Kanaya hadn’t felt so fulfilled in quite some time. Vriska was inanimate, gazing at Kanaya with bewildered, dreamy eyes. Once again it fell to Kanaya to stem the bleeding, holding her fingers over the puncture. She broke the silence.

“It’s nice we’ve found something to connect us again.” She offered a blue-stained smile. Vriska stood in stasis, still dazed.

Kanaya moved deeper inside the hive, very much amused. Making herself at home, she noted that not a lot had changed since last she visited, not that she expected any clean-up. Crossing her legs over, she noticed Vriska had finally snapped out of her stupor, stumbling towards Kanaya with cerulean still slowly weeping from her neck. Her confusion was still apparent as she stood in front of Kanaya, opening her mouth before she’d managed to figure out what she wanted to say. Scratching at the unscathed side of her neck, she finally vocalized her confusion.

“So... where’d that come from?” Her voice was quiet, almost meek, in a way that tickled Kanaya greatly. Any snark Vriska had planned for her had been completely stripped down - in a way, Kanaya felt powerful.

“I thought you’d appreciate it. And gauging from your response, I believe you did.”  She grinned and folded her arms. Vriska, alien to the concept of defeat, darted her eyes around the room, unsure of how to respond. Soon enough, the trepidation in her face broke with a sigh, and she sat down across from Kanaya, glaring at her. Kanaya thought it prudent to assist her in finding her words. “It wasn’t particularly ambiguous, you must admit. You quite literally _requested_ I take from you the first time around.”

Vriska threw up her hands. “Yeah, fine, I enjoy it! So what?! Am I not allowed to?” So defensive.

“No, no, of course you’re _allowed_ to. It’s just somewhat... strange. Especially coming from you - I would have expected you would have preferred the role of an aggressor.”

Vriska’s response here was more instantaneous. “I always am the ‘aggressor’! I’ve got to keep feeding my lusus, have to keep bringing more and more saps down to her. I’ve got a reputation for always being in control. It’s really hard work being so great! Sometimes you want a break from it.”

Kanaya considered this with a degree of surprise and pity - Vriska had always seemed rather impenetrable. She’d done an outstanding job of leaving that impression on her, at least - perhaps it was an impression that Vriska herself believed at the best of times. There was, potentially, more room for emotion in her than Kanaya had previously considered.

The two stared at one another, clearly caught up in their own thoughts. Once more, Kanaya brought herself to spur things forward. “When you learned of what happened to me, then, you...?” Vriska sat back, attempting to look more composed than she actually felt. Again she spent some time formulating her words, leading Kanaya to assume her feelings were preventing snappy, thoughtless bursts. It was an interesting take on Vriska - she’d hesitate to call it ‘considerate’, but she certainly seemed more thoughtful.

“I guess it brought me back. All those little distractions - you always wanted to act out the shit you read in those lame books, and hell, FLARP was fun, and that was kinda the same thing. And hey, now it was real. I was kinda surprised you didn’t spring at the opportunity to do the stuff you’d always wanted to do.”

Kanaya laughed under her breath. “I did. Simply not with you.” Vriska stared Kanaya down, silent, that gap that came between them seemingly present once more.

“I guess that’s fair enough. You seem to have gone back on that now, though.”

Kanaya nodded, conceding the point. That divide seemed irrelevant now - she was more than willing to put it behind them, and she could only hope Vriska was too.

“This is true. I came up with a certain...proposal, if you’re willing to hear me out.” Vriska shrugged slightly.

“We’re here now. Go ahead.”

“I need blood - you’ve had first hand experience of that fact. You enjoy having your blood drank. It seems an obvious relationship. I get what I want, and you...benefit too. As far as I can tell, it’s a win-win.”

She paused, examining Vriska’s face. It was an odd thing to offer, to be sure, but Vriska seemed inclined to at least consider it. “This doesn’t mean I’ll be latching onto you every moment of every day - my goal is not to kill you - but rather to have you as something of a...source. That sounds rather clinical and detached, but I believe this could perhaps bring us close again.”

For a moment, Vriska was deep in thought. Kanaya couldn’t interpret her thoughts, but she didn’t seem unwilling. She then, however, looked somewhat irritated. “I dunno, Lightbulb. Seems you’re the one with all the control here.”

This brought Kanaya some confusion. “I thought you had just admitted that your desire for control was an act.”

She was quick to be corrected. “No, not an act - I love being in control. I’ll take every opportunity I can to have control. It’s just a lot of work _always_ having that responsibility - doesn’t mean I don’t want it. That’s why I’m hesitant here - there’s no power in it for me.”

“I think you’re misinterpreting things here, Vriska. There is no dynamic of power or control or any such thing. It’s a...coexistence. I don’t seek to own you or anything of the sort.”

Vriska rubbed at her arm, spending another moment in thought before replying. “Fine, then.” Internally, Kanaya breathed a sigh of relief - to her, it seemed that any troubles she had with regard to her necessity for blood were, for the most part, over. Not only that, but she revelled in this opportunity to become closer to Vriska once more - she was forced to admit, she’d missed her.

Across from her, Vriska shifted in her seat, looking deep in thought for a moment. Her head then turned back to Kanaya, face suddenly returning to its usual snide grin. “So!” Her voice, too, had regained its vigour. “What have you been up to besides snatching up blood?” It impressed Kanaya that she could so readily return to herself without a thought.  Then again, she’d expected that those moments of vulnerability would be few and far between - the Vriska that had returned to her would stay for some time. Kanaya had no qualms with that.

“Tedious ins-and-outs, mostly. I don’t expect you’d find it at all interesting.” Not exactly truthful, but not a flat-out lie either. “And what about you and your FLARPing escapades? They’re usually interesting.”

That rift that sat between them seemed to have dissipated, leaving Kanaya feeling rather wonderful. When it came time for her to part, the air was light and the wind had ceased howling.


	7. Chapter 6 - Dawn Storm

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> it is chapter 6. ao3 spits lies in order to lull the foolish into its trap.

The doors were slammed shut, and once again Vriska found herself on her own. She immediately plunged herself deep in her thoughts, needing to understand everything that had just happened. She’d let slip some of her hidden self - demonstrated a _weakness_ \- and to _Maryam_ , of all people. It was entirely her expectation that soon Kanaya would have her in talks, sharing feelings and trying to probe deeper into her mind. The thought was sickening.

 

She ran a hand over her neck, the puncture marks now covered up. All that shit she’d said about not always wanting control... alright, it hadn’t been disingenuous, but that didn’t mean she had to go blabbing about it. Yes, she found it exhilarating to have her life so delicately held in another’s hands. Yes, she knew that was strange. She’d accepted that - but now it was out there. Someone else knew that about her, had it over her. And much as she loved it, _she hated it._

 

There wasn’t much she could do about it now, though - Kanaya would be drinking from her regularly now, if she’d made sense of her deal. She supposed it was both something of an ‘honour’ that she’d been chosen to be Kanaya’s source - another way that she was a pretty big deal. At the same time, though, maybe she was just a spigot to her - a way of getting Vriska’s blood out of her body and into Kanaya’s mouth. It was all very confusing to Vriska, and she absolutely could not stand not being able to make sense of her own feelings.

 

Whatever, she concluded. There would be time for self-reflection later - spidermom was getting antsy. There wasn’t any FLARP planned in the immediate future, either, so she’d have to source the food herself. Returning to her room, she consider a plan of action. There were usually kids - barely out of the wiggler stage - learning the lay of the land over by the beaches. They weren’t too far away. Easy picking, honestly - which suited Vriska. She just wanted to get it all over with.

 

She grabbed her jacket, which had accumulated some dust and dirt since Kanaya had given it, as well as a tear or two, but it wasn’t too badly damaged.  Vriska had to admit, she liked it a lot. It gave her a certain pizazz. Not a word she’d typically use for herself, but it was the only one that really worked.

 

Poking her head out the window, she was pleased to see how dark it had gotten. The moons above were trying their best to provide illumination, but the dark season was soon coming. Looking back into her room, she caught herself in the mirror. Looking very fine. Badass. There were so many words she could have used to describe herself in that moment - it didn’t matter which one; all were wholly applicable.

 

With great self-control, she soon managed to wrest her gaze off of her form. There was a small coil of rope by her computer. This was _usually_ unnecessary - her victims didn’t put up much resistance, and were soft, easy to render unconscious. Sometimes, though, there would be slightly more mature ones - bigger, a little hardier. They’d put up a struggle or wake up early, and that would be where the rope came in handy.

 

Attempting to think of anything else she’d need, and coming up with nothing, Vriska returned down the steps, opening the grand entrance to her hive and stepping out. The air was still, but carried a slight bite to it. If this kept up, snow would be making an appearance soon. It’d been a while since the last snowfall.

 

Alternia lay silent - some may have found the restfulness to be tranquil, but it filled Vriska with a certain uneasiness. The rocky area around her hive wasn’t usually packed with others, but there were usually at least a few trolls ambling around aimlessly. This place was pretty sparsely populated, sure - hell, she wasn’t even sure there was anywhere on the whole of Alternia that had a “bustling” population - but she expected to at least hear distant chatter, a shout, anything.

 

Again, though, - whatever. The only sound that permeated the air was the crunch of the dirt underfoot, which soon dissipated into a paved stone path, leading directly to the shoreline. The trees began to disappear to reveal the open air, and soon Vriska’s footsteps were accompanied by the distant sound of waves lapping against the sand. The closer she got, the more sound began to accompany her - bushes rustling in the sea wind, rocks tumbling down from nearby cliffs, and eventually, excited murmurings in the near distance.

 

Dimly lit before her were a small group of young trolls - tiny, they were. Barely older than wigglers - they hardly had any legs to speak of. By Vriska’s estimate, there were six; five of them gathered in a circle, the other sitting alone, letting the sea lick at its feet. Instinct took Vriska, and she began to formulate how she would approach the loner.

 

She glanced over at the group. It dawned on her slowly that their shoutings were not excited, but angry and violent. Two of them were holding another down, whilst two more punched and kicked and spat on him. Wigglers could be vindictive little shits. But it was what they did - can’t get ahead in life if you don’t lay down your superiority first.

 

She slinked around the group, eyeing up the one by the sea again. Motionless. Assuring that the nearby group were fully pre-occupied, Vriska made her way behind the girl. She was a little bigger than the others - Vriska supposed she’d be coming on three sweeps - a fact that pleased Vriska. The more meat on the bones, the longer spidermom would be happy. As she finished her approach, the girl at last moved, turning her neck to look up at Vriska. She opened her mouth to speak, but was quickly silenced as Vriska swung her foot forcefully into her face. Not the most graceful of ways to force someone into submission, but damn if it wasn’t effective. And just like that, the girl was out.

 

Her nose unleashed a small torrent of blood - it was hard to tell exactly where she lay on the caste under the coat of darkness, but it darkened the sand significantly. Indigo, maybe? It didn’t matter much. Kneeling down, she brought the girl into her arms, satisfied in her catch. She looked to the group once more as she began to depart. They hadn’t noticed that anything had gone down, still completely focused on the poor bastard lying on the sand. The kid was thoroughly beaten - blood coated his body, and one of his legs looked contorted in a rather unnatural way. He was probably gonna be dead. Vriska thought she might be able to use him later, as well.

 

The trek back to her hive was just as quiet and uneventful. The girl barely stirred as the doors opened once more. Vriska hummed pleasantly to herself as she began to make her way down the great staircase. Minutes later, she emerged into the great clearing where spidermom lay. As soon as she stepped out, her lusus let out a great roar, echoing off  the walls and causing Vriska’s ears to ring. She scuttled towards Vriska quickly, mandibles twitching in trepidation.

 

“Yeah, yeah, here you go. I’ll probably have more soon, okay?” She tossed the girl as far as she could. In an instant, the spider brought its jaws to her, snapping down and tearing her in half. It was clear to see now that the blood was actually cerulean. One of her own, then. Huh. Having seen this show plenty of times, Vriska turned and walked back inside, content with completion for the time being.

 

Her thoughts returned to her as she climbed the staircase back up to her room. It took a lot of resolve to perform that task on a damn near weekly basis. Alternian lifestyle was brutal, sure, but Vriska was fairly sure she was one of the few dragging kids to their death regularly. It sucked, it really did. And what sucked more was how numb she was to it all.

 

Back in her respiteblock once again. She removed the jacket, and discovered that a few drops of blood had found their way onto it. She didn’t really care about this, of course, but she just _knew_ Kanaya would get on her ass about it. Ugh. Outside, it was already getting a little lighter. Releasing a yawn, Vriska decided it was about time to call it a day. Too much had gone on, really. Too much thinking.

 

She was restless for a small while, but eventually sleep took her easily. Evening greeted her once again, and she picked herself up for another night. The mirror told her that she needed to trim her hair, even just a little - it still looked great, but it was getting in the way a little, and was starting to be a pain to work with. She moved to waste time on her husktop, but something caught her eye, something that was niggling at her and just not going away.

 

The damn jacket. The damn blood. She was so sure she didn’t care - but damn it, she did. Maybe it was just a desire to not have Maryam fuss over her, but... no, she was not letting her mind slip there. Maryam had barely come back into her life - she _didn’t care_ what she thought about her. What a ridiculous sentiment.

 

But still, that damn stain annoyed her. She had to get it out.

 

\------

 

It had been just over two days since Kanaya’s last visit to the Serket hive, and already her thirst had returned. The doors opened, and there stood Serket herself. Wordlessly, Kanaya entered, something Vriska had no qualms with. Walking themselves through the narrow corridor, they engaged in talk of what little they’d been up to since last they spoke. Kanaya noted that Vriska’s snark seemed to have vanished - indeed, she presented herself with an air of consummate friendliness. It was different - pleasant, but also uneasy. Perhaps it wasn’t right to complain about hospitality, but this was Vriska. Such friendliness was not expected.

 

They sat down, and at once Vriska craned her neck upwards, offering it to Kanaya. The marks from her last feeding were barely present. Kanaya made quick work of creating a new pair, her fangs sinking into Vriska’s skin, soon after which the cerulean lifeblood poured out. The sensation was as vibrant as ever, and now they were experiencing it as a pair - images of serenity and peace, of snow and sun pierced their minds, seeming to last an eternity, inseparable from one another. The drinker’s hand set upon Vriska’s shoulders, the spider’s arms wrapped around Kanaya’s back. They sat together as a whole. As the euphoria at last began to lull, Kanaya broke them apart.

 

And as her mouth receded from Vriska’s neck, something wholly unexpected happened - Vriska stopped her retraction, placing her hand on the back of Kanaya’s head, tilting it forward until her lips were met with the other’s. Her eyes were wide in shock, for a moment thinking this a dream, a haze brought on by the rapture brought on from her drinking. Barely a second had passed, though, before her mind realized that this was real. Her eyes closed, embracing the moment. Her lips were still tinged with blood, something the two now shared. The kiss went on and on, seeming to last as long as the drinking.

 

That, too, was soon broken. Sitting back, Kanaya stared at Vriska in dumbfounded reverence. Vriska kept a short, victorious grin on her face, and then released a tiny laugh. At last, Kanaya spoke up.

 

“Can I ask... why?”

 

Vriska let out a satisfied sigh, folding her arms. “Fuck it, Lightbulb. If we’re gonna do this escapism crap, we might as well go all the way.”

 

It certainly wasn’t the most romantic way of putting it, but that didn’t really matter that much to her at all.

 


	8. Chapter 7 - Aurora

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> (it is chapter 7. no love deep lies)

It could never be said that the fifth dark season wasn’t aptly named - the darkness would be near absolute and perpetual during the waking hours, if not for the thick carpets of undisturbed snow that littered the ground, reflecting what little light there was. The snow was something of a rarity, one of those once-in-a-generation occurrences. It wasn’t entirely understood why this happened - something to do with precise climate conditions and perfect lunar alignments - and was it generally unwelcome. More often than not, the cold was bitter and unwelcoming, driving most to remain hivebound as they waited for a brighter season to come. Those who did go outside to sate their curiosity found little reason to return once the novelty had worn off. For a few months, Alternia was a more isolated community than it usually was. It was enough to drive those without companionship slightly mad.

 

Try as it might to chew into her, the temperature did little to deter Kanaya. The glow permeating off of her wasn’t simply an aesthetic quirk - it warmed her, never uncomfortably so. She could sit covered in snow and feel nary a chill for hours on end. And so she did.

 

Laying there, she felt somewhat serene. The unending rivulets of white left her mind peacefully blank. It was all a very captivating scene - how different the familiar seemed now, how fragile it all was, the snow getting displaced and formed into messy clumps as she trudged through it. It saddened her to think this was most likely her last opportunity to see her home like this. All the more reason to revel in it, she supposed.

 

“I’m getting... kinda really cold now.” Tavros’ voice tore her from her introspection. He sat on a block of solid, uneven ice, covered in layers upon layers of thick clothing - even his horns had what he called ‘horn-warmers’ on them, though to Kanaya it seemed they were simply ill-fitting sacks he’d forced over them. It looked endearingly cute. “Can we leave, like, soon? I don’t want to get stuck to this thing.”

 

Kanaya smiled, picking herself up and brushing what clung to her away. “Certainly.” They’d been out long enough, anyway. It was Kanaya’s suggestion; she’d wanted to explore the great white plains, but thought it would be a shame to go it alone. Despite her best attempts at persuasion, Vriska refused to leave her hive. Close as they’d gotten, Vriska was still Vriska, and Vriska’s stubbornness was something unparalleled. And so she sought out Tavros - in all the fervour of the past month she’d forgotten to return his messages, and figured then was as good a time as any to make amends for that. He, too, had taken some convincing, but he relented eventually.

 

He seemed to have garnered a lot of confidence, Kanaya noticed. He used to come to her for what she called ‘eloquence lessons’ - a grandiose term that essentially amounted to Kanaya attempting to help him get over his plentiful nerves. She was no therapist, but she enjoyed helping nonetheless. Still, Tavros seemed to have found himself in a better position independent of her help - though she would feel a little guilty over not being around for him, she was satisfied nonetheless.

 

He was rather inquisitive about her state as a drinker - it startled him quite a bit to notice Kanaya in the darkness from quite a distance. It occurred to her that he’d yet to see her in this state. It was normality for her at this point, she mused to herself. His biggest concern was over whether or not she wanted to eat him. After laughing off his misinterpretation, Kanaya assured him that she was quite satiated anyway. And it was true - she was rarely driven mad with hunger as of late. She’d developed a taste for only cerulean, only Vriska. It was quite the amicable arrangement - they spent most of their days together in one capacity or another, reminiscing or learning ever more about one another, finding sides of themselves they weren’t aware existed. They were still the same trolls - just far closer than either of them expected they’d ever get.

 

His fears put to rest, Tavros and Kanaya spent the day laying waste to the long snowy stretches of land, tossing the stuff at each other, constructing snow lusii... it all felt very whimsical. It seemed the cold had at last taken a hold of Tavros, though, and it was time they parted. With wide grins on their faces and easy farewells, it seemed to Kanaya that the day would be one she remembered. She turned the other way, Tavros melded with the darkness. The powdery snow still falling was now breezing onto her face. The crystals melted as they made contact with her warm skin, a sensation that was pleasantly cooling.

 

The way everything was covered made Kanaya feel like she was in foreign territory - she scarce recognized where she was. Though she had a destination in mind, the idea of getting lost didn’t seem so unappealing - she wanted to see everything that the weather offered whilst she could. 

 

The underfoot crunch of snow subsided for some time as Kanaya began to traverse over a lake. She felt like some sort of magician, walking atop the water. It wasn’t as if ice was a radical, mysterious concept to her, but seeing this much at once had a certain degree of glamour attached to it. She felt half a wiggler again, a little girl taken in her fascination for everything. It was blissful.

 

Less enthralling was the climb towards Vriska’s hive - for the most part, the snow refused to cling to the slope, leaving the hill slippery and dangerous. Kanaya fell more times than she cared to admit, thankful that at least no-one could see her blundering. The evidence would remain though - she felt certain that the bump she’d acquired on her forehead would visibly bruise. Her struggle at last came to an end as she reached those great double doors. The skittery doorbell rang all throughout the hive, and she waited. 

 

Eventually, Vriska answered, reluctance painted on her face. “If it was anyone but you, I’d have left you out to freeze. C’mon, get in before you drag all the cold in here.” Kanaya could do nothing but obey. The doors slammed shut again, and what snow was still attached to her slowly melted away.    
  


“Lovely to see you, too.” Kanaya grinned, tossing her coat and scarf aside as she made her way inside. She felt more at home here recently than she did in her own hive - or at the very least, spent much more time here. Vriska was swatting at her hair, trying rather unsuccessfully to drive out the snow that had found its way into her hair. Her neck was marked with many half-healed puncture wounds, badges that she seemed to display proudly. Kanaya often asked if she was pushing Vriska too much, but she insisted that it was fine. Kanaya was not one to argue - from all she could tell, Vriska was just as much enjoying it now as she was from day one. 

 

“Guh. C’mere.” Vriska forced her into a strong embrace - Kanaya knew that it was mostly just to warm her back up, but she knew there was a great deal of affection behind the practicalities. Grinning, she returned the gesture, wrapping herself up in her matesprit. Before long, her lips were upon Vriska’s neck, a surefire means of communicating what she wanted. Her thirst hadn’t grown all that much since she parted ways with Tavros, but she took every opportunity to drink nonetheless - it was better than feeling a sudden burning urge to drink, and it was an excellent way of getting Vriska in a nicer mood.

 

Her fangs broke through the skin once again, and as it always did, the cerulean flow filled her mouth. It was Kanaya’s theory that she’d get dulled to the feelings over time, but if that was the case, it showed no signs of starting yet. Every time the blood filled her mouth, she still felt the same, beautiful sensations, never tiring of them. Vriska, too, showed no signs of having it all turn into simple routine - she still let out subtle, uncharacteristically cute sounds, and wriggled in Kanaya’s arms, and as Kanaya pulled her lips away and released her grip, Vriska fell down onto a seat, panting with dazed gratification.

 

Kanaya sat by her, bringing her fingers to her lips, wiping off any blood that stuck there. “I had a thought.”

  
  


Vriska was still breaking out of her stupor, and barely seemed to register Kanaya’s words. Still, she managed a “Huh?” Kanaya let out a small giggle under her breath, admiring Vriska in this state for a moment. She was always in a state of blissful confusion for a small moment after drinking. Kanaya was curious as to exactly what it felt like - if it was in any way comparable to the way she felt as the drinker. She was so different in these hazy moments, looking so happily lost and - there was no other word Kanaya could use to describe it - adorable. The state always subsided quickly, but whilst it was there, Kanaya always took a moment to revel in it.

 

“Well, the ice out there is dangerous - deadly, even. It might not be a good idea for me to be going back and forth, So, how about I stay here a while? At least until it gets a little warmer.” Vriska let out the first syllable of a reply, but was interrupted by a screeching that rattled through the walls of the hive. “Your lusus is getting antsy again.”

 

Vriska shook herself back into a more conscious state. She brought her hand over where Kanaya had bitten, stemming the flow of blood. Some had dripped down onto her tank top whilst she was in her state - wet stains accompanying duller, dried ones. The top looked positively garish at this point, but Kanaya supposed it was better to ruin only a few pieces of clothing rather than having to always produce fresh ones.

 

“Yeah. Pain in the ass. I don’t wanna go out there, and even if I did, there’s no-one else outside, isn’t there?” She laid back, sighing.

 

“No-one that I’ve seen, but... well, I doubt Tavros and I are the only ones curious to take a peek. I’m sure you’d find  _ someone _ eventually.” She loomed over Vriska, resisting the all-powerful urge to jab a finger at her nose. She hated that - it was funny

 

“Still means I have to go out there, though. Ugh.” Vriska tapped her fingers against her thigh, searching for a compromise. “But... you don’t mind going out there, do you? You couldn’t go round someone up for me, could you?”

 

Kanaya hesitated for a moment. That was always Vriska’s business - she understood the necessity of it, but it wasn’t something she herself had any intention of being part of. “I... don’t know about that.”

 

“Aww, c’mon. Do you  _ want _ me to be eaten?” With anyone else, that question would merely be rhetorical, but the way Vriska stared at Kanaya made it clear that she desired a reply. 

 

Sighing, Kanaya had to concede the point. She was around Vriska's finger again. “No, dear. I don’t want you to be eaten.”

 

“Then where’s the issue? Don’t want me to be eaten, gotta feed the spider.” Vriska’s grin bore into her. “If you wanna stay here... you gotta do this for me.”

 

Oh, evil. Evil, evil woman. Kanaya remained quiet for another moment, trying to find some way to at least have a single point in my favour. “Fine, fine, consider it done. But... you can’t expect me to go out there on my own. I’d get lonely and lost. I must insist that you come with me.”

 

Vriska’s grin didn’t fade - they were on the same page, that this was all a game, and that this result was a foregone conclusion. Still, she played the part. “Hrmm... now you know that isn’t fair!”

 

“Oh, that’s rich coming from you.” Kanaya laughed, and Vriska joined in. The two leaned forward in unison, bringing their lips together.

 

“Fiiiiiiiine.” As they broke apart, Vriska at last relented. “Not tonight, though. Spidermom can wait.”   
  
“Oh yes, not tonight. There are better things to be doing.” Again they kissed, wrapped up in one another, Kanaya’s warm skin keeping them both pleasantly comfortable. The cold outside was a distant, dead feeling.


	9. Chapter 8 - Screen Shot

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> (it is chapter 8. ao3's sole purpose is to spread misinformation, lies, and slander!)

The blood sank into the snow, dyeing it a pretty olive. Vriska grinned, admiring Kanaya’s technique. She’d had the drinker perform the act - she was far too tired to do it herself. The biting cold had drained her energy, it seemed, so she slumped behind Kanaya, complaining all the while. She was foolish to have accepted Kanaya’s terms, sure as she was that she could have had her go alone if she’d pressed the issue. But here she was, shivering and desiring nothing more than to return to her hive.

 

Still, at least she was able to watch her matesprit in action. She’d never taken Kanaya as one so capable of hurting others, but she was very adept indeed. Perhaps that came with the territory of her drinker state, or maybe she was always so dangerous. Either way, the pretty little thing she’d spotted was floored with a single blow to the face, her nose bursting out with a vibrant splash of colour. Softly the olive-blood fell to the snow, barely registering what had happened. A moment ago, she’d been absentmindedly standing around, seemingly aimless. Vriska neither knew nor cared what her reason was - soon she would be nothing but food. 

 

Kanaya delivered a second strike for good measure, a violent crunch sounding out, forcing Vriska out of her dark thoughts. It was for the best - god forbid she end up feeling sorry for the girl. She was dragged forward, Kanaya wearing a blank expression that did nothing to betray what she was thinking. The way she took the olive-blood out was cold and unfeeling - very practical - but it was Vriska’s suspicion that she wasn’t particularly enjoying the experience. She didn’t blame her - it was never going to be a pretty job. For but an instant, Vriska regretted dragging her out here for this purpose, but it wasn’t a feeling she chose to be conscious of. There was no room for lamentation.

 

The return journey was punctuated by an uncomfortable silence. All Vriska could hear was the soft shuffling of the olive-blood’s body as it was dragged across the snow. It left her to think, and that put her on-edge. She was worried that she’d end up feeling bad, that she’d think of the troll behind her not just as a convenient piece of meat but as an individual. She reminded herself of the necessity of it all, over and over again -  _ if it wasn’t her, it would have been you -  _ and then piled on of the other assurances;  _ why do you give a damn about some random troll’s life? You’re tough. You’re cool. This is just the sort of thing you do. _

 

It almost worked. She felt so very close to being numb to it again. Try as she might to summon it, though, it would not come. Kanaya was the issue - the way she, too, was trying to disguise her disdain for what she’d done. Vriska’s worry turned to a sudden, boiling rage, a hate for how vulnerable and dumb she felt. She felt the sudden compulsion to say something, sappy as it made her feel. If she was going to open up to anyone, it would be Kanaya. 

 

She breathed in. “Hey. Stop a minute.” Kanaya looked at her, silent, standing still. Vriska opened her mouth again, a genuine apology readied on her tongue, but before it could emerge, she was interrupted with a pained groan. Behind Kanaya, the olive-blood stirred. Her eyes blinked open, face matted with now-drying green. she’d begun to struggle as she registered her situation quickly, even threatening to wrestle her leg free from Kanaya’s grasp, but her hopes of escape were shattered in an instant as Vriska descended upon her. All of the anger that thrashed around within her she unleashed upon the girl, bringing her foot up and dashing it against her head, once, twice, again and again. The olive-blood was driven back into the snow, eventually colliding with the stone underneath. Thud after thud rang in the air, and the girl writhed no more. Vriska’s kicks became slower and less powerful, and soon Kanaya urged her away, still no emotion wrought on her face.

 

“You were saying?” she opened, acting as if nothing had happened. Vriska breathed in, trying to calm herself. Desperately she tried to claw what she had just done out of mind, but the evidence was laid bare before her - no longer did the olive blood’s chest rise and fall, and her essence leaked from her into the frost. She turned away. Kanaya followed her gaze, stare probing.

 

Vriska rubbed at her neck. “Forget it right now, okay? I’m tired. And cold. And... let’s just get back, okay?” She did not await an answer, wrenching herself away and marching ahead.

 

She was delivered a response anyway. “As you wish.” Kanaya had caught up, the sound of dragging following her once more. They said no more as they continued the walk back. Vriska found that Kanaya’s warning about the ascent to her hive rang true - she fell many times, fatigued as she was. She was eventually offered support, something she was willing to accept at this point. There was little sense in keeping up a fa ç ade of pride at this point. Only Kanaya would know. It wasn’t so bad.

 

At long last, the doors to her hive were closed, and some warmth returned to Vriska. She leaned against the wall, shivering out the cold. Kanaya cradled the still olive-blood in her arms, supporting her head with a cloth. “I didn’t want to stain the floor,” she explained. 

 

She was heading towards the staircase, still appearing unfazed. “Hey,” Vriska called out. Kanaya stopped, looking back at her. “You don’t have to take her down. I’ll do that.”

 

Kanaya demonstrated the barest hint of a smile. “Oh, it’s quite alright. I shouldn’t have forced you along - you look so beat up. Go lie down, collect yourself. I’ll be up in a minute or two, alright?” 

 

Vriska shed herself of her coat. “Listen, you can stop pretending you’re alright with this. This was my shit to deal with, not yours. It’s an awful thing to have to do, and I don’t wanna put you through more of it.”

 

For a moment, Kanaya remained silent. She regarded Vriska with great curiosity. “I don’t mind at all, Vriska. I mean it.” She paused for thought. “It was for you. It needed to be done. It’s as simple as that to me. Please, take a breather. We’ll talk when I’m back.” 

 

Vriska stared at her, more than a little astounded. Kanaya was entirely genuine, it seemed to her. She didn’t wait for a response, and was already under the archway that led to the stairwell by the time Vriska had even formulated a response. Heat inside her and slightly steadied, Vriska walked further inside, crashing down on a chair.

 

There was a brief respite, a thoughtless silence. It was broken up by the sound of laughter: Vriska, towards herself. She was in sheer disbelief of her momentary lapse into sappy sentimentality. What was that all about? The way Kanaya had looked at her, she must have thought she was with a wiggler. Man, it was funny. She owed it all exhaustion. Her mind had been weary, and it had hallucinated a pretense of care. Weird. It was thankfully over with, though, and she was free to laugh at herself.

 

She heard a shrill cry. Kanaya wouldn’t have any trouble with her lusus - at least, so she hoped . She found little reason to worry; Kanaya was more than capable of handling herself. And indeed, minutes later, she emerged, pulling her gloves off, nary a speck of blood on her. She looked over Vriska, all smiles and chuckling, and cracked a grin herself. “You’ve perked up, then.”

 

Vriska shrugged. “Heh. Yep. Guess I get pissy when I’m sleepy and freezing my ass off.” 

 

Kanaya placed herself beside Vriska, her fingers brushing against her cheek. She seemed to bore into her for a moment. “You’re sure?”

 

Vriska did not appreciate the prying. “Yeah, I’m sure. Look, don’t worry about me, alright? You know me.” 

 

“More than anyone, yes.” Kanaya folded her arms, deep in thought. “And I know enough to know that you don’t entirely enjoy having to do this. You told me yourself; there’s no sense in dancing around it. It’s fine.” Her smile seemed genuine, bright - loving.

 

Vriska looked around, trying to formulate the right words. Sure, she felt a better person when she didn’t have to hide anything, but still... she hated that feeling of weakness. Kanaya seemed to sense her hesitance, for she brought herself close to Vriska, until their legs touching. “Vriska... I know you think acting a certain way or expressing anxiety or doubt or anything like that is a sign of weakness. And you can keep that mask of yours up whenever you’re around anyone else - I admire the strength that it takes to do that. But it doesn’t matter to me whether you’re being your usual tough self or you want to open up a little. I admire all of you. Just be honest with me, that’s all I ask.”

 

Kanaya took one of Vriska’s hands in her own, offering her an encouraging smile. She was right, damn her, she knew. She wasn’t about to break down and cry - she’d never go that far - but it would do no good to act like everything was fine when it wasn’t. “Fine. Fine! You have me. Yeah, I feel bad, and yeah, I’m annoyed that I feel bad.” She sighed. “And I guess I’m happy that I’m able to say that truthfully.” In she breathed, enjoying the freedom of sincerity.

 

She was kissed - a quick one, but one that Vriska heavily appreciated nonetheless. “Glad to hear it. Well - the happy part, at least. There’s no clear answer to your situation as a whole, as far as I can see, but... we’ll figure out something, hm?”

 

“Heh. I’m sure.” She took another breath, and as she exhaled, she felt somewhat better. She looked upon Kanaya again, all admiration. A question sprung to mind - a query that she’d been meaning to pose for quite some time. It had remained unspoken over fear of how sensitive the answer may be - it was not normally her business to worry over sensibilities, but for Kanaya she made exception. Still, the question lingered, and Vriska knew it would have to be answered eventually. So she asked. “Kanaya...” They gazed at each other, Kanaya all attentive. “You have to die to become... like you, don’t you? So, I’ve been meaning to ask, uh, how exactly you... well, bit it.”

 

Kanaya’s smile shortened - it didn’t entirely fade, and it was apparent that the smile had turned from warm and loving to sad and hesitant, but it remained. Several times she seemed to begin to speak, stopping herself and seemingly wanting to answer correctly.

 

“Well... hm.” She released a short laugh - a tiny thing, under the breath, a hint of bitterness hidden beneath it. “I... I think it would perhaps be easier to show you.” She shifted herself backwards, and placed a hand on her chest. Her shirt was lifted slightly, and Vriska’s answer was painted upon her chest. A scarred wound, long and dark. It had healed somewhat, but it was clear that at some point it was dangerously large - Vriska would estimate fatally so. “To answer the question you have... it was self-inflicted, I fear.” She hid the wound again, leaving only her sad smile.

 

It was one of many answers Vriska had thought of, but it still wasn’t one she’d thought would come from Kanaya. It always seemed she’d had a strong will, one that would steel itself against anything. Still, Vriska knew what it meant to hide the truth of situations. She and Kanaya sat quietly. Vriska wasn’t sure what she’d gotten from this information - certainly, it was important to know, but now it was just  _ there. _ Follow-up questions remained, but she had the sense not to pose them at this point. 

  
Kanaya returned to her vision, looming above her. “Well. We’re not planning on going back outside... and who knows how long the cold will last? We should get comfy.” Her smile was bright and cheery once more as she pressed her lips against Vriska’s neck.


	10. Intermission

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> it is the intermission. ao3 is very wrong. do not trust it.

The snow was so dreadfully dull. All it served to do was to keep Terezi inside, trapped from investigating any outside affairs. And the smell!... or lack thereof. She guessed that this was what ‘fresh air’ smelled of to everyone else- absolutely nothing. On and on the nothing went, stretching to the edges of cliffs and frozen shores. It annoyed her that she found herself unable to navigate these wastes, left festering in her hive as she waited for the world to return to its usual, colourful state.

 

And so she made of the situation what she could. The endless white had come as something of a surprise to her. She’d awoken one night with the full intent of going out to heckle someone - who, she wasn’t sure, but heckled someone would be - before she found herself unable to find where she was going. The only sensation her nose relayed to her was ‘cold’. As she tried to figure out whether or not her nose had stopped working, her leg dipped straight into what she would later find out was snow. It was an awful thing - chilling, useless, endless. She found herself unable to get anywhere with any degree of certainty, try as she might. And try she did; for some time she attempted to force her way through it all, but muscle memory and instinct can only get someone so far. It would have done her no good to lose her place and be unable to find her way back to her hive, lest she turn into an ice sculpture. She backtracked her way up into her hive once more, where she suspected she would remain now for some time.

 

It didn’t bother her that much, initially - it’s not like she hated being hivebound. It was quite pleasant, really, to just sit around without a care. She did pine to be able to bother people virtually, but she was unfortunately deprived of this - the snowstorm had been so strong it had wrecked whatever it was that made the internet work. She did wonder what everyone else was up to, if they despised the weather as much as she did. It would have been nice to have had some solidarity in acrimony. Karkat would have been hating it. As would have Vriska. But it was not for Terezi to know.

 

Speaking of Vriska, though... well, she wouldn’t have answered anyway. Terezi had heard little from her - or Kanaya -since they started fawning over each other. It almost made her feel a little annoyed - she’d thought she was going to be some sort of middleman between the two as they worked their weird ‘thing’ out, but no, they’d tossed themselves at each other with nary a word said to her. That was up to them, of course - she just wished she was a little more included. It was such an interesting situation to her - or at the very least one she wasn’t expecting. It was a narrative she could have found herself thoroughly embroiled in. In the end, though, it seemed to have fizzled out into something resembling normality rather quickly. Oh well. Couldn’t be helped.

  
  


With no way of conversing with anyone else, she was left to entertain herself. This was a skill she found herself very adept in, something her scalemate friends were more than willing to assist her with. For hours at a time she found herself immersed in her own self-woven dramas - tragedies, comedies, epics, all rolled into one. Tales of LOVE, BETRAYAL, JUSTICE AND RETRIBUTION, oh, it had them all. The audience would weep tears of awe as their world shattered around them.

 

But the frivolity could only last so long before even this got stale. She needed time, time to develop new, better scenarios. Until such ideas came, she was left with not much to do - there was simply nothing interesting that happened when the world came to a standstill. It was her every impulse to damn the consequences and go out and find  _ something _ , but some arcane logic assured her that this was a bad plan. She’d likely freeze to death; and this, it was concluded, was a bad thing.

 

Another week passed, and still the snow had not subsided. Terezi lay on the floor, the menagerie of colours splashed on her ceiling dulled through her boredom. Her mind was adrift, a consciousness floating around and grabbing onto nothing in particular. It was desperate for some form of interaction, but could only find the vague feeling of the wind pounding outside and a constant chill that threatened to break in. 

 

Her mind wandered further, until it delved into an almost dreamlike state. She felt herself somewhere else entirely - a crowd, it seemed. She felt shoulders pushing past her, in a rush, desperately clamoring to get away. They were all marching in a uniform direction, it seemed - something was coming. Eventually, the crowd faded, and once again Terezi was left alone. She sat, unsure of where she was. This place had even less of a scent than the snowy outside - there was not even that feeling of tickly cold. Just an absolute nothingness. It was quite frightening, knowing how much of a void it was, but Terezi remained still, more curious than afraid.

 

A strident call ran out. She couldn’t quite tell from where; it seemed to come from all directions, filling her head with thoughts of formless dread. At last she herself began to move, following the long-gone crowd, after which some form of feeling began to fill her nose - a vibrant painting of colour. So many colours. It overwhelmed her. The tones were accompanied by a strange warmth, one that, like the cry, emanated from all around her. It seemed close to her, though, and threatened to encroach further. Soon enough, it seemed to begin consuming her, draining her every sense. She felt powerless to stop the feeling as it enveloped her completely.

 

All at once, she became aware of her daydreaming. She picked herself up, rubbing at her head. The boredom had truly taken over her. It was far beyond what she could take - within the minute, she was outside again. The winds were furious in their attempts to snap at her, but she was past the point of caring. At last she descended to where the snow lay, and the biting chill ran through her as the snow wrapped around her shins. Seemingly aimless, she started making her way out into the empty expanse that lay before her. It only seemed to get colder, and she was well aware of how she shivered, how she was steadily slowing down as her body cooled down, how dumb her spontaneity was. Still, she pressed on.

 

On and on she went - in a straight line, as far as possible. Stupid an idea as this was, she wasn’t so braindead that she wouldn’t have thought of a way to get back. It occurred to her just how ridiculous a scenario this was; she had absolutely no goal in mind, and even if she did, she would have had no way of getting there safely. Dumb. But ultimately, she concluded, necessary. The way the frigid air tore through her clothes and snapped at her skin, filling her lungs with a dull icy pain - it was uncomfortable, certainly, but it was something. Something amidst the drudgery of waiting. 

 

Terezi willingly fell to her knees, running gloved hands through the snow erratically. Anyone looking upon her would have thought her mad, but there were no idle spectators out here. She rolled around to her back and laughed, spreading her arms out and taking in another deep whiff of nothing.

 

This unending frost would have to end soon, for her sake. The second it was, she’d take herself outside and barge through the door of whoever’s hive took her fancy - it mattered not who it was. She considered the possibilities as the cold creeped around her face. Karkat could be fun, but equally tedious. Aradia would be nice - it had been a good while since the last time they’d FLARPed. And then perhaps they could get Tavros and Vriska involved.

 

Vriska, though. Perhaps she’d be too busy with Kanaya. Everyone seemed busy recently. It was enough to make someone feel unwanted. And now this damnable blizzard to drive home the isolation. Maddening and, in its own way, terrifying.

 

Further and further the frost devoured her, to the point where the pain was now sharp, piercing into her in a way that screamed. She sat up, breathing slowly, and coiled her arms around herself in a futile attempt at providing some warmth. Desperately she scrambled to her feet, suddenly feeling very lost and alone. Was she facing the right way? No - her feet were still digging through snow; this was a fresh track. She turned, turned again, heart racing ever quicker as the maw of the freezing air drove itself further inside her. She slouched forward, muted senses becoming ever more useless as even the barely perceptible sensation of scentless air began to dull. There was nothing but she could feel but the fear that began to take a grip of her and the awful, awful cold. She fell again and again, cursing herself and her impulsiveness and the fact that this was happening at all. 

 

A sudden third sensation gripped her: a blunt pain on her head. Down she fell again, processing this. Lifting her hands, she felt what she’d made contact with. Intricate ridges, slightly hollow, vaguely warm. Wood. A tree. She’d found herself back where she’d came from - or else found herself further lost. There was no forest but her own nearby, as far as she was aware, but... she had no idea how long she’d walked. Everything was a confusing blur to her, an eternal expanse of dreadful emptiness. Picking herself up and steeling herself against all of her agony, she began to lurch forward leaning against the tree, hoping beyond hope she would find some refuge, even if it was not her own.

 

Her frantic hope soon turned into something like relief as she stumbled again, this time against a stair. There was the sound of a frenzied clamber upon the stone as Terezi ascended, having not a care where she ended up, as long as it was somewhere inside. At last, her hands brushed against something in front of her, something she could only assume was a door. Her search found a handle; her shaky hands could barely hold onto it, and for a moment it was her deepest worry that it was locked and that she was to remain out here. As she was preparing to slump down and give up, though, the door was thrust open, and Terezi fell inside in an instant. The floor was warm against her face as she inhaled deeply, laughing and crying and shaking horribly all at once. She was vaguely aware of the door closing behind her as her consciousness faded away, leaving her still.

 

She found herself dreaming of an early memory. There she was, standing atop the grandest seat in the land - in actuality it was a tree stump - and down before her were her subjects. All told there were four: Aradia, Vriska, Tavros, and Kanaya. This was not where Kanaya was usually found - she was as secluded then as she was now - but Vriska had dragged her along, saying something about Kanaya ‘owing her for something.’ Terezi was of the mindset that the more, the merrier, so this wasn’t much of a bother to her.

 

The game was Empress of the Throne, where the sole objective was to knock the Empress off the stump and become Empress yourself. It was less a game and more an excuse to fight. It was lighthearted, certainly, though it could easily get out of hand. A lot of bruises. Some blood. Crying. Oh, it was fun. Tavros was never a fan of the chaos, and distanced himself from the fray as much as he could. Aradia was slightly more willing, and did get involved fairly often, but usually backed out before it got too serious. Usually, then, it was left to Vriska and Terezi to rough each other up whilst the other pair spectated, Aradia with grim fascination and Tavros with the keen desire to pack up and leave.

 

Kanaya proved to be the wild card this time, though. Terezi had wholly expected her to join Tavros in keeping a safe distance, and that she did - at least, at the beginning. When it was just Vriska and Terezi left brawling, though, Vriska wrestled herself away from Terezi and made a dash towards Kanaya. The jade-blood was sitting gawping at the fight, and barely registered the incoming danger before she was laid out on the dirt courtesy of Vriska’s fist. For a moment, it seemed that Kanaya intended to lie there and feign unconsciousness, but in a snap she had sprung to her feet and had descended upon Vriska. With unexpected strength, she tackled her opponent, Vriska holding an expression that suggested both amusement and great surprise. It was then that Kanaya unleashed an onslaught, landing blow after blow upon Vriska, her head thudding against the ground. 

 

Terezi put aside her shock and charged forward, intending to put an end to it all - sure, sometimes it got a little rough, but she’d never seen it get like this. At least, that’s what she thought - perhaps it was her sense of heroism, of justice, or perhaps she simply didn’t care to see Vriska brutalized by anyone but her. 

 

She collided with Kanaya, in a forceful but awkward way, knocking the wind out of both of them. For a moment, both they and Vriska lay still, breathing heavily. Tavros had already saw fit to leave and Aradia looked on with a disconcerting grin. Terezi picked herself up, looking down upon Kanaya, who stared back. She let out a word of warning - that that was too far,  that it was just meant to be fun, but she was interrupted by laughter. Vriska’s.

 

Behind her, Vriska had managed to stand herself upright, despite already-apparent swelling and blood leaking out from her nose. It was explained to Terezi that, no, that was great, that they should do that more often. Kanaya was the last to sit up, and she smiled vaguely at Vriska’s comment. She apologized nonetheless, stating that she probably could have been gentler. It took Terezi a moment to see the playfulness - she was still consumed with some unidentifiable worry for Vriska - but by the end, she was laughing with them.

 

A pale, obfuscated feeling filled her nose. She felt dizzy, but she was awake again. Her body was shaky and weak, and it pained her to move it, but it was at least functional. She was alive. The colours above told her that either the resident of this hive enjoyed chalking their own walls, or that this was her own hive. She’d clawed her way back whether she’d meant it or not. 

 

A sharp pain shot through her as she stood. There was the threat of stumbling and falling, but she gritted her teeth and made it upright. Further inside she hobbled, still shivering. It felt as if she might faint again at any moment. Though the walk felt like a marathon, she eventually found herself by a chair and promptly sat down.

  
She spent a moment reflecting on everything. No-one knew how long the cold would last - the season would last for two perigees, at least, and the snow could disappear before then or last long after it. Until it did fade, though, she was stuck by herself. She realized how very much she missed people, and how there seemed to be no solution to that problem. Left to her own desperate, sad devices, all she could do for now was sit and wait within the claustrophobic confines of her hive as the world outside shrouded its secrets in a blanket of white.


	11. Chapter 9 - So Long to the Holidays

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> (it is chapter 9. lie more, ao3. your downfall will be swift, but very painful)

The chill tried valiantly in its attempts to creep inside. It ran through the halls, stuck to the rooms, and seemed to make the air itself shiver. It could do little, however, to burst through the radiant warmth shared between the two bodies intertwined with one another. Outside the walls of the hive the dead of night obscured almost all vision, but inside all they could see was one another, bracing themselves against the freeze as they awaited the salvation of light once more. Together they were the perfect defence against the cold, indifferent night; pressed close, a bulwark against the penetrating frigidness. Darkness made way to light, and they rested.

 

***

 

“Come on, get up. I’m not doing this without you.” Kanaya prodded Vriska’s shoulder, but she remained motionless. Kanaya knew she wouldn’t have been exactly _willing_ to go through with the idea - it was her own, after all, and she was well aware that Vriska wasn’t big on cleaning - but still, she’d expected Vriska would have helped a little before giving up.

 

The plan was to gut the hive of all the clutter it had accumulated, get it all a little bit neater. They might as well make use of the time they were stuck inside, Kanaya reasoned. Vriska was even somewhat enthusiastic of the idea and had offered to assist in the process - she’d been awfully receptive to many of Kanaya’s ideas of late. Kanaya had thanked her for that the best she could.

 

Yet here she was, groaning over the thought of lifting a finger. “I’m too damn tired” was her excuse. She certainly looked it: sprawled out, eyes half-open and underlined by dark circles. It was apparent that she was genuinely tired, and she had good reason to be, but still, a promise was a promise.

 

Taking a hold of Vriska’s wrist, Kanaya pulled forward, desperately trying to urge her up. “You’ll wake up when you start moving. Come on.” Despite her insistence, though, Vriska remained sedentary.

 

“No, I mean I’m... look, I wanna get up, I do. But I really feel like I can’t. Feel like I can’t move anything.” Vriska turned her head from the ceiling to stare at Kanaya. Up close, she seemed even more worn. Kanaya considered a moment - she certainly wouldn’t put it past Vriska to feign all this in order to have Kanaya do all the work, but the physical signs granted her steady worry.

 

At the risk of falling for something, Kanaya leaned down, concern in her voice. “Are you okay? Feeling anything besides tired?” Half of her braced itself for a fit of laughter and a ‘gotcha’; the other half wanted to grab onto Vriska’s hand and somehow fend off whatever had taken grip of her.

 

If it was an act, Vriska demonstrated no signs that it was one quite yet. She let out a low hum as she seemed to consider her words, and then slowly, she concluded, “I dunno. I just feel sorta... weak.” She paused. “I’m sick, I guess.”

Kanaya pressed further, hoping this was a little game, smug as Vriska would be afterwards. “You guess? How could you not know?”

 

Vriska shifted onto her side, slowly; laboriously. “Because I don’t get sick. And I sure as hell haven’t felt like this before, so... I’m just guessing this is what it feels like.” She grinned a little - it was far from the fierce, inviting grin she usually bore; it looked as if even it, too, was difficult to maintain.

 

Kanaya relented, choosing to accept this as reality. She took Vriska’s hand in her own. It was odd to see her like this, as she’d been so full of vigour the nights before. Yet here she was now, still and struggling. It was a worry - perhaps the weather had simply gotten to her, or perhaps it was something worse. Every conceivable potential threat ran through Kanaya’s mind, and the thought that whatever it was could be gone by the next night was quashed beneath layers of _could bes_ and _what ifs_. “Alright. Sleep away, then, and hope it helps. I’ll get to work on my own, if that’s alright with you.” She offered Vriska a kiss on her forehead - it would do little to help, certainly, but the sincerity would at least make her respite somewhat more comfortable. That was the hope, anyway.

 

A little laugh flitted through the air. “Oh, that’ll be just fine by me. I appreciate it, Lightbulb. Really.” Vriska went a step further, her hand drifting lazily towards the back of Kanaya’s head. It was shaking a little. Once it had found its destination, Kanaya was pulled in for a more passionate farewell.

 

Kanaya stood afterwards, letting Vriska’s other hand slink down. She already seemed half asleep. “Shout if you need anything.” Vriska scarce seemed to hear her as she began to make her way around, the only audible sound the batting of the rolling winds outside.

 

The work was all a little dull without some form of teasing or bickering in Kanaya’s ear. Her mind was blank as she set about cleaning away what she could. Occasionally, she took pause, sitting upon windowsills and gazing out at the dark world outside. There wasn’t much to look at, but she could see the falling snow dancing vaguely in the wind. It was somewhat serene; it relaxed her. She wondered how long this would last, and if she would ever see such conditions again. As the crystal shards batted against the window, dimly lit up by Kanaya’s gentle glow, she smiled, reflecting just how much she enjoyed being here, and how strange it felt that she was.

 

It took her a few hours - at least, what felt like a few hours - before she was vaguely satisfied with the job she’d done. There were still little pockets of clutter and mess, but they could wait. She was tired of playing the maid, and she hadn’t checked on Vriska in some time.

 

She was sleeping soundly. Her breath seemed a little ragged, and she stirred every now and then. Still, she seemed somewhat at peace. Kanaya sat across from her, admiring her in her tranquility. Outside, the first signs of dim light broke through the window, indicating the coming morning. Soon enough, sleep took her, too.

 

A sharp nudge awakened her. Vriska was looming over her as she blinked awake, her grin strong and sharp again. In an instant, Kanaya was being pulled to her feet, forcing her into alertness. “Up you get! We’re going out.”

 

Kanaya rubbed at her eyes as her tired mind attempted to process everything. “Hmm... out? Why would we do that?” She yawned, moving her hair away from her eyes.

 

Vriska’s responded by dragging her to a window. It seemed the sun had only just set, and a pleasant orange glow decorated the horizon. “See why now?!” The reason behind her enthusiasm was clear - beyond a few outlying patches, the snow seemed to have vanished over the day. It almost seemed as if it was never there. “Let’s go! I don’t care where, just... somewhere.” Vriska was practically - no, literally - shaking with joy.

 

Kanaya smirked. “You act as if being trapped in here was some form of torture. Was I really that awful a guest?” The humour disguised her concern; she briefly worried if Vriska really did tire of her.

 

Vriska rolled her eyes in response. “Ah, c’mon, that’s not it at all, and you know it. It was great while it lasted! But you can’t say you’d wanna be stuck in here forever.”

 

Moving behind her and bringing her arms around Vriska, Kanaya nestled her chin upon her matesprit’s shoulder. “I don’t know about that. This was a very pleasant, what, month? What’s another thousand when it’s as good as this, hmm?” The view out there was tempting, she was forced to admit. It was a foreign sight to her at this point. Perhaps the snow had a more serene quality to it, but the vibrancy of the world without it could truly be appreciated after colour had been gone for such a long time. The view from Vriska’s hive wasn’t the most impressive, littered as it was by many dull rocky crags amidst the blooming trees and faraway waters, but it was lovely to see again nonetheless.

 

“Pff. Always so poetic.” Vriska disentangled herself from Kanaya, bringing herself around to force a kiss on her. Vriska would never say it, but Kanaya knew that this signified her appreciation of the poetry. “Doesn’t mean I’m not going out, though. Stay if you really feel like it, though.” The look on her face suggested that she already knew Kanaya’s answer.

  
“Oh, don’t be like that. At least let me dress first, then we’ll go.” Kanaya sighed, conceding. A walk would do her good, anyway.

 

“Aww, and here I thought you were gonna parade yourself around half-naked. Hurry up, then.” Vriska prodded her shoulder before moving to the entranceway, grin betraying both childlike excitement and a certain sinister playfulness.

 

Light was fleeting by the time Kanaya had dressed herself. The snow was gone, but it was still the dark season, after all. She remained thankful for her glow - certainly, it could be an inconvenience times, but the practicalities on nights such as this rendered it, for the most part, a blessing.

 

Vriska was leaning against the wall. Kanaya could hear that her breathing was somewhat ragged, and as she approached, she noticed a sweat running down Vriska’s forehead. When she saw Kanaya, she sprung from her slouch, giving her best impression of good health. “Alright!” she announced, as if she thought Kanaya hadn’t saw her. “Off we go. Looking good, I might add.”

  
“Vriska.” Kanaya folded her arms, sizing her up. She stared at her in silence, her question implied.

 

For a moment Vriska held a similar silence, though hers in feigned bewilderment. “What? What’s keeping you? Let’s go.” She sounded tired, a couple syllables getting caught in her throat. Kanaya approached her and swiped her fingers across Vriska’s head.

 

“What’s the use in continuing the act? You feel off again. Please, don’t pretend otherwise.” She placed a hand on Vriska’s shoulder, hoping her pride wouldn’t choose to flare up.

 

It did. “Yeah, so what? We’re just gonna be walking. I’m... fine, alright? It’s just...” She did not get an opportunity to finish her defence - with a groan, she lurched forward, falling down upon Kanaya, who caught her before she could crash to the floor. Wordlessly, Kanaya gently brought her back inside, laying her down upon a seat as carefully as she could. She was still conscious - her breath was short and shallow, her eyes narrow slits.

 

Kanaya looked over her, face blank but inwardly in turmoil. Vriska was right - she didn’t get sick. This was wrong, very wrong. Something she didn’t want to see, yet here she was, confronted with it. “Can you hear me?” Kanaya brushed some hair away from Vriska’s face  Vriska grunted in a manner that Kanaya took to mean ‘yes.’ “Alright. Sleep if you can, alright? And... try not to get too angry at yourself. I know this is far from what you want to be doing right now, but... it can’t be helped. Perhaps you’ll be fine tomorrow. For now, though, try to relax, please.”

  
Vriska gave no indication she understood, but closed her eyes. Kanaya smiled down at her, keeping watch for a few minutes. When she seemed fast asleep once more, at some form of peace, Kanaya moved back to the window, admiring the fresh new world once more. The darkness had sweeped in, but there were still silhouettes of everything barely perceptible. Perhaps she shouldn’t have wished they stay here forever.


	12. Chapter 10 - Land

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> (it is chapter 10. why must you lie, ao3? we could have been friends.)

To her credit, Vriska made a valiant attempt to appear healthy. It would probably convince most - she stood straight and strong, grin determined and far from false; it seemed as if no malady would even dare to take ahold of her. Kanaya, though, was not so easily convinced. She picked up on the subtler signs, however much Vriska tried to disguise them. Shallow breaths buried underneath loud, loquacious chatter, a tendency to shake weakly and lean against walls for support. The spider was good at disguise, but failed to hide under the sharp eyes of fussing.

 

Warm air touched their skin as the evening faded away. Vriska sat on the same chair where she seemed to spend most of her time under Kanaya’s watchful eye, looking particularly fed-up. Like the several nights prior, she was protesting, practically begging to be let out. It pained Kanaya to see her like this, in a way - Vriska was never meant to be locked up. She was never meant to get sick.

 

Kanaya had mused on that fact for some time now. The suggestion that Vriska was unable to fall ill was silly, certainly - everyone has the capacity for that. Then again, though... she couldn’t help but feel Vriska was right. A sickly Vriska just didn’t fit. Whatever it was, it seemed to be fading - Vriska seemed somewhat healthy by now, if not one-hundred percent on-form. Kanaya had combed her mind for some form of cause; she had come up with a few theories, but only one had made complete sense. It was an idea that she didn’t want to consider, though she had a feeling she would have to, eventually.

 

She felt a tug on her sleeve. Vriska gazed up at her with eyes that were almost  _ cute _ , or else as good an impression of cute as she could muster. “Listen, I know I’ve said I was fine before but this time I mean it! Really! Look!” Without letting another word in, she sprung up and began to jump on the spot in something that Kanaya supposed was to suggest fitness. She let Vriska continue for a moment, amused. This was one of many scenarios she’d never have expected Vriska to be part of, but here they were.

 

“Alright.” Kanaya placed a hand upon Vriska’s shoulder to halt her leaping. “Calm yourself, please. You seem... better. I don’t think I have to act the lusus anymore.”

 

Vriska stared at her for a moment as the revelation seemed to register in her head. A moment later, a victorious smirk was plastered upon her face. “Finally! It’s nice that you care and everything, but... ever hear the word ‘overbearing’?” She punched at Kanaya’s shoulder, in what Vriska probably intended to be light. In her joy, though, it almost sent Kanaya stumbling down.

 

She regained her composure, a soft laugh escaping her mouth. “Oh, certainly. Many times - mostly from you, I might add.”

 

Vriska was already tearing towards the door. “Pfft. Ever considered that I say it because it’s  _ true?  _  C’mon, you know me well enough to get that I’m not that easy to mess with.”

 

Kanaya followed after her, secretly pleased to see Vriska’s snark returned to normal. “Please, do forgive me for not wanting you to fall down unconscious in the middle of a forest before getting snatched up by some sawtooth beast. You know I only wish what’s best for you.”

 

Vriska’s laugh was so forceful that she had to prop herself against the wall. “How could you seriously say something so damn cliché? What, was that supposed to be some kinda romantic gesture?”

 

Before Vriska could regain her composure, Kanaya stood in front of her. “I thought it was rather romantic, yes.” She did not allow Vriska a response, sealing her lips with her own. The atmosphere felt so very sappy, and Kanaya reveled in that feeling. Damn the clichés, it felt  _ good.  _ She broke herself apart from Vriska, who, judging from her sultry look, seemed to share a similar sentiment. Without another word spoken, Kanaya moved her mouth down to the neck.

 

She hesitated, returning to her musings. Since Vriska had fallen ill, they hadn’t been this close - there was little romance in the air between Kanaya’s fussing and Vriska’s arguments. And now, after going some time without being drained, Vriska had seemingly improved, with no real knowledge of what ailed her in the first place. Truly, it was something Kanaya should have considered from the start: no-one, no matter how strong, can deal with a great amount of blood loss. Vriska had lost great amounts at times, too -  in the throes of the ecstasy they shared with one another, Kanaya came close to losing control at times, something that only seemed to spur Vriska on further. Looking back, it was evident that some of the scarring on her neck was deep, dangerously so. 

 

It was not something that Kanaya would have liked to consider, but it seemed an inevitability. She wondered if Vriska had similar suspicions, or if she even cared that much. Kanaya retracted herself, trying to consider her words. Vriska stared in a manner that suggested irritation, clearly having expected something more.

 

A skittering rang in Kanaya’s ears, breaking apart her thoughts. Both she and Vriska turned to face the door, and she assumed Vriska shared her curiosity as to who was there. The two stared at each other wordlessly before Vriska took it upon herself to heed the call.

 

The grand doors slowly dragged themselves open to reveal a hunched over, ragged Terezi. She was in a state unlike anything Kanaya had ever seen of her - hair a mess to ten times the degree it usually was, seemingly cut in random places; arms littered with scratches; clothes messy and uncared for. Even the items that had always seemed precious to her were damaged; her glasses were cracked and near-smashed in both lenses and her cane was snapped clean in half, ending in a dangerously pointed tip. More damage still was apparent as Terezi began walking forward - it was a slow, grueling walk, one accompanied by a limp. Both her hands housed bloodied knuckles. All in all, she looked so completely ghastly and haggard that if not for the glasses and cane Kanaya would have scarce recognized her.

 

“Uh...” Vriska began, but she was promptly cut off as Terezi jabbed the end of her cane into Vriska’s chest. It wasn’t forceful at all, not enough to rip past her clothing, but the shock of it all forced Vriska back against the wall anyway. Wordlessly, Terezi inhaled deeply, letting out a positively maniacal cackle thereafter. Kanaya approached, fighting past her shock. “Terezi?” She began to reach out, slowly and cautiously, not wanting to provoke a violent response.

 

Immediately Terezi’s attention was turned away from Vriska, the pointed cane snapping towards Kanaya instead. “Ahh! Kanaya!” At last, she spoke in more than crazed laughter. The tip of the cane was now being pressed into Kanaya’s shoulder. “Heh... Kanaya? Kanaya, remember the last time we talked? I do! I remember that, I remember that the last thing I said to you was... and I’m sure this is the  _ exact _ quote! - ‘try not to hurt anyone if you can help it.’ I remember that being pretty important. You haven’t hurt anyone, have you, Kanaya? I’ve been thinking about it. I’ve been thinking about a  _ lot _ of things.”

 

The sharp tip dug even deeper into Kanaya, biting at her skin. She felt a small drop of blood ooze out. Now fully over the surprise, she grabbed ahold of the cane, bringing it down and forcing it from Terezi’s hands. She seemed not to object, standing dead still. From this close, Kanaya could see that her teeth were dimly matted with faded teal.

 

Kanaya breathed in, composing herself. She had absolutely no idea what had happened, but she intended to dig to the core of it. “Terezi.” She folded her arms, searching for the words. “Please, come sit down with me. Take a breath. Perhaps we can discuss what happened to you?”

 

Terezi didn’t speak in response, merely gave a few jagged nods. Taking that as affirmation to continue, Kanaya gently placed a hand on her shoulder and led her further inside. “Vriska?” Peering back, Vriska was still looking dumbfounded, hand on the spot Terezi’s cane had been pressed against her. “Close the door and... get some water for us, alright?”

 

Shutting her eyes and snapping out of her shock, Vriska stuttered for a moment. “Ah... yeah. Right, sure.” The doors began closing behind them, and Vriska rushed ahead. 

 

There were still vague whispers of laughter in Kanaya’s ear as she brought Terezi inside. She was practically dragging her along. As delicately as she possibly could, Kanaya set herself and Terezi down. Hesitantly, she decided to remove Terezi’s shattered glasses, fearful of them breaking, and Terezi had no objections, or else did not voice them if she did. The glasses shifted aside, Terezi’s blind eyes seemed to bore into Kanaya. The silence in the air was broken with another bout of hushed cackling.

 

“Now... Terezi. Why don’t you tell us what brought you here, hmm?” Kanaya was tempted to bring Terezi’s hand into her own, but thought better of it, not willing to risk a sudden reaction of her. Whatever had occurred, Kanaya suspected it had left her somewhat volatile.

 

It would have proven to be a pointless exercise, anyway. Terezi brought both her hands up, pressing them on either side of Kanaya’s face. “Because I wanted to SEE YOU! Well, I wanted to see Vriska, but... you’re ALWAYS with her anyway, so I’d get to see you both! And sure enough, here I am! And you! And here she is!”

 

As she spoke, Vriska returned, cups in hand. She, too, seemed to have gotten over the disturbance, quickly chiming in with her own method of consolation. “Look, Terezi, we have no idea why the hell you’re acting crazier than usual, so do you think you could go ahead and tell us why?” Kanaya glared at her, certainly no fan of such a direct approach. Vriska merely shrugged in response.

 

Regardless, it seemed to work. Terezi snapped her head towards Vriska, voice suddenly a snarl. “Because I didn’t have anyone! All my scalemates, well, they ran away... and I couldn’t find anyone else... gah!” Terezi brought herself to a stop by thrusting her head forward, connecting with Kanaya’s arm. Kanaya carefully ushered her back - she seemed undamaged from the headbutt, if temporarily fazed.

 

Both Vriska and Kanaya seemed to put it together at the same time. Vriska vocalized the explanation. “She couldn’t get out during the snow. Internet must’ve been busted, too. That... kinda sucks.”

 

“It certainly explains why she’s in this state. That’s... awful, really.” Kanaya stared at Terezi, who seemed to have recovered from the blow to her head.

  
“Doesn’t matter!” Terezi sprang up, moving forward for a moment before stumbling over the table. Vriska stood aside as not to be bowled over. For but a second Terezi lay still, before she rolled over onto her back, seemingly comfortable. “I’m here now! And THAT is what’s important.”

 

Kanaya chewed at her lip, thoroughly afraid for Terezi. “I... suppose that’s true.”

 

“Great!” Once more, Terezi perked up, now standing atop the table. For a moment, she threatened to fall again, legs shaking, but she just barely stabilized herself. “Guess I’m staying here with you two then! I’ll try not to get in the way with... whatever it is you get up to.”   
  
Vriska instantly snapped back. “Wait, what? No, no. we didn’t agree to that!”

 

The idea came as a surprise to Kanaya, too, but she couldn’t exactly say no. “Vriska. We can’t turn her away now. She needs some time - and people - to... recover. Look at her.”

 

Terezi nodded in vigorous agreement, though whether she understood what Kanaya had said was a different matter. Defeat already apparent, Vriska grunted. “Fine, fine. I wasn’t about to throw her off a cliff or anything, though! Just... since when was my hive a damn hotel?!”

  
“Since now, it seems.” Kanaya grinned, laughed, but inside she felt very uneasy. It seemed her alone time with Vriska was over, and Terezi, addled as she was, heavily disconcerted her. Like Vriska, she, too, now pined to go outside for just a day.


	13. Chapter 11 - I Bleed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> (it is chapter 11. ao3 continues its tirade against the peasantry.)

The barest hint of light had begun to eke in through the windows. Kanaya failed to take much of a conscious notice - she was laying on her side, falling fast asleep as her mind was slowly invaded by flashes of phantasmagoric images. She was still, her body sore. The previous night had been somewhat frantic, as all of them had been since Terezi had arrived.

 

It was hard to blame her. She didn’t seem particularly aware of how oddly close she could get to Kanaya and Vriska, or how her vacant silences following every question were somewhat off-putting. At the same time, though - and it annoyed Kanaya greatly to consider it a possibility - there were hints that suggested that Terezi was well aware of her state. Kanaya wouldn’t go as far as to say she was acting the part; no, she was very much addled in a severe way. All things considered, though, she seemed to revel in it somewhat. Her sharp-toothed grin was  constantly present and the damage mapped across her body didn’t seem to trouble her.

 

Kanaya had spent some time trying to help Terezi in whatever ways she could, but she was simply not willing to open up. There was something about the way Terezi looked at her during these sessions that discomfited her. At moments it seemed as if Terezi could actually see her, was taking in every minute detail of Kanaya she could find. She rarely spoke, and when she did, her words were usually buried under a soft, broken laughter.

 

Vriska offered little assistance, citing that the ‘brain poking stuff’ would be best left to Kanaya. Her argument was fair enough -  Kanaya didn’t believe Vriska’s more, well, direct method of speech would be very helpful in the long term. She did help where she could, pitching in a word or two when she deemed it appropriate, aiding with Kanaya’s relaxation during her downtime, and, in a surprising move, taking the brunt of the hivework Kanaya had taken to doing.

 

For the most part, though, Vriska spent much of her time outside. Part of this was out of requirement, as the shrill cry of her lusus often shuddered throughout the halls, but Kanaya knew much of it was out of boredom. She’d spent far too long trapped inside, and with Kanaya now busy for most of the day, she had little to keep her entertained or happy. To Kanaya, she still didn’t seem entirely hale and hearty, but there was little that could be done to stop her. The danger seemed minimal anyway.

 

Rays beginning to shine through, Kanaya stirred, suddenly awake. A flush ran through her, strong and violent. She sat up, rubbing at her eyes, suddenly aware she was shaking. It took a moment for her to adjust before she realized that her thirst had returned.

 

Since Terezi had arrived, she’d drunk from Vriska only once, at the spider’s heavy insistence. She tried to take as little as possible in such a way that would still satisfy Vriska - a task that proved easier in theory than in practice. Still, Vriska seemed to have got what she desired, and she was still able to walk almost upright the following night. The way she presented herself was noticeably weaker, though. Kanaya feared this only further proved the theory she dreaded to consider.

Vriska would be asleep herself now. Kanaya didn’t want to wake her and, besides that, feared the possibility of her getting worse again. Another shudder ran through her body, gripping her completely. That feeling of primal urge took ahold of her again, if but for a moment. It was a sickening feeling, one she feared would come again and again. Inhaling deeply, she lied down again, shut her eyes tight, and tried her damndest to ward off those feelings. 

 

It was not possible to force sleep, though. She lay there, eyes closed, but still very much awake. Her shaking only seemed to get more violent as her body continued to warm up. Still, she remained prostrate, explicitly forbidding herself from moving.

 

A sharp poke in the back caused her to stir again. This wasn’t her body reacting to thirst - snapping around, Kanaya found herself face to face with Terezi, teeth practically shining in the emerging light. Kanaya began to groan out a confused greeting but was silenced by a hand covering her mouth.

 

“Shhhh.” Terezi’s voice was cracked beneath her unsuppressed giddiness. “Kanaya. Kanaya! You don’t seem well. What’s up? You’re all hot and shaky. You can tell me. I’m here to help.” Her hand slipped away from Kanaya’s lips, only for her forehead to make dim contact with Kanaya’s. Her breathing was as slow and ragged as it always seemed, her red eyes enveloping Kanaya’s vision completely, piercing right through her.

 

For a second, Kanaya’s only response was to stammer. “I... I... Terezi, you... what are you doing?” She drew herself up, away from Terezi’s face. Terezi followed her, but backed away slightly.

 

Her laugh was suddenly a little more riotous. “Weren’t you listening, sleepy? I said I wanna help!” She threw up her arms in an utterly theatrical fashion and almost hit Kanaya. 

 

Another flush ran through Kanaya, causing her to grit her teeth for a moment. She folded her arms, trying to suppress her shaking and all the urges that came with it. “I... appreciate it, Terezi, really, but I have it under control. It’s nothing you could help with, much as I would like you to.”

 

Terezi brought a hand down to Kanaya’s face, her hand gently stroking a cheek. Kanaya barely seemed to register that this was happening, such was the shock of it. “I don’t know about that.” Terezi’s voice was hushed down into a whisper, suddenly filled with clarity. “I think I know exactly what you need, and I know how to help.” Before Kanaya could take any action to stop her, a finger was placed into her open mouth, pressing lightly against one of her fangs. “You need to flex these, right? Ehehe.” She forced the tip of her finger upwards, breaking through the skin. “Because you need this.” A few drips of blood rained down onto Kanaya’s tongue before Terezi withdrew her hand entirely, her own fangs bared.

 

The meager droplets were far, far from enough to satiate her in any way, but still they sent Kanaya’s body into a brief but all-powerful state of bliss. It lasted for only the scarcest fraction of a moment, and afterwards it only served to drive her desire into a more crazed state.

There was a moment of sheer silence afterwards as the two looked directly at one another. Again it seemed as if Terezi could see into Kanaya, and was basking in deranged delight. It was her who broke the silence. “That’s what you live for now, right? Right? I thought I’d be a friend and help out. Are you thankful?”

 

With a sharp intake of breath, Kanaya forced herself up and away from Terezi, fighting every instinct in her body. “Terezi. You should be sleeping. It’s quite late. We’ve had a fairly long day. You must be tired. You should lie down. Sleep.” Her hands were firmly gripped on her folded arms. It hurt, but Kanaya was far from paying attention.

 

Terezi slinked towards her, backing Kanaya into the wall. “C’mon, Kanaya. Kanaya! I just want to help you. What’s wrong with that?” She seemed to be angling her neck upwards, blatantly offering it to Kanaya. Kanaya could almost feel the blood pumping underneath those veins. It called to her.

 

She shut her eyes, resisting the call that every bone in her body was shouting. She spoke through gritted teeth. “I don’t know why you’re doing this. I want you to stop because I don’t want to hurt you.  _ Please, _ go to sleep.” She didn’t want to touch Terezi, for fear of suddenly succumbing to her urges and hurting her. Trapped, scared, and thirsty, she could only hope Terezi would see reason.

 

“I really don’t see what the problem is here, Kanaya! Isn’t this the best way to go about this whole business? I’m letting you take from me! I’m HELPING! C’mon! C’MON!” Terezi’s cries were vicious, filled with a malice Kanaya couldn’t understand. She wondered for a moment if her attempts at therapy had only made matters worse. Her thoughts were clouded, though, as her thirst reached its boiling point. She could no longer resist the siren song - the blood was there, free for the taking, dancing just below the skin. Catharsis was so very close to her, and it would be so very wonderful.

 

For a moment, all was darkness, and in that instant Kanaya wondered what she had done. She felt nothing as silence permeated everything once again. She opened her eyes, and saw Terezi, on the floor, stumbling back to her feet. Feeling returned to her - her head hurt. The way Terezi rubbed at her own suggested that her head was in pain too. Breathing heavily, she moved away before Terezi could recuperate. Still Terezi laughed behind her. “Fine! Don’t take my help then!” 

 

Kanaya ignored her as she ignored the returning feelings of thirst coursing through her, instead choosing to focus on her quickening rage. She hurriedly ascended the grand staircase towards Vriska’s room, forcing herself through the door. The noise stirred Vriska awake. She stared dumbly at Kanaya for a moment, trying to adjust. “Hrmm...? What’re you...?”

 

Kanaya didn’t allow her to finish. “I’m going out. Leaving. Now.”

 

Vriska pulled herself up, face displaying tired confusion. “What? Slow down, Lightbulb. What’s up?”

 

Kanaya started to pace, trying to find ways not to unleash all her fury. “I can’t stay here right now. You’ve been friends with Terezi far longer than I’ve known her; I’m sure you’ll be able to help her. I’ll be back... soon. I can’t say when for sure.”

 

Vriska approached her, a small smirk on her face. “Fine, fine. No need to make a big deal out of it. Come to give me a special goodbye, then?” She cocked her head, letting out a very particular giggle.

 

All of Kanaya’s rage was now coupled with sudden frustration. “No! Because I  _ can’t!” _

 

Vriska’s joking manner quickly faded, and she now regarded Kanaya with something of both curiosity and fear. “Uhuh... and why is that?”

 

Some form of sadness now accompanied the rest of Kanaya’s feelings. “Because that’s why you’ve been getting sick! I mean, I certainly don’t know for  _ sure _ , but it’s the only real explanation! I don’t want that to be the case, but it  _ is,  _ and I... I...” She stopped, thoroughly out of breath. The sadness began to overwhelm her. “I... need to go sort myself out. I’m sorry.”

 

Vriska placed a hand under her chin. “Hey, listen. It’s fine. Take a breather. I don’t know what’s happened with you, but... It’s not like we gotta be attached at the hip all the time, right? Tell me when you’re ready, or don’t. Don’t worry about me, or her. And don’t worry about me getting sick, we can deal with that later. We’ll be fine here. You take the time you need to.”

 

Her sudden sincerity floored Kanaya. She stood in stunned silence, before letting slip a “Thank you.” She tried to formulate something more meaningful, but couldn’t. Instead, she placed her lips on Vriska’s, savoring the moment for all it was worth. 

 

They were both smiling when Kanaya pulled back. “I’ll... talk to you when I get back to my hive. I apologise for worrying you like this.”

 

“Pfft. I’m never worried, especially not for you. Trust me, you’ll be crawling back here within the week.”

 

Kanaya laughed. “I certainly hope so. Until then, then.” She offered her another, briefer kiss before making her exit.

 

The pangs of thirst returned to her as she began her descent, and were back in full swing by the time she’d returned to the ground floor. Terezi, still as a mannequin, locked her blind eyes upon Kanaya as the drinker made her exit. Kanaya managed to disregard her entirely as she bounded down the entrance hall. The great entrance doors shifted open, and outside the morning rays beat against her skin. It felt pleasant, certainly, but she was still shaking and thirsty.


	14. Chapter 12 - La Mer

The rays of light outside bled into Kanaya’s skin, sweeping over her eyes and disorientating her further. She was unaware how far she was from Vriska’s hive, or how close she was to her own. Every second, every minute, seemed to blend together; her vision was woozy and occasionally faded; and all sense of direction escaped her. She was spending much of hertime fighting against instinct, trying to kill all the overwhelming urges that plagued her. The words and images were all scrambled in chaotic disarray.

 

Something wet trickled down her forehead. All time seemed to slow back to a crawl, and she realized that she was on her side, down on the dirt. Some small speck of feeling returned to her, a sharp, splitting pain on her head.  As she shakily adjusted herself upwards slightly, she pressed a finger against the wet spot. Drawing it back, she found it to be freshly running jade blood. Her vision slowly creeped towards slight clarity, and she saw that ahead of her was a grand old tree. It took little deduction to surmise that she’d run right into it.

 

Kanaya was at least thankful to have been snapped out of that dreadful state, as rude and painful an awakening as it was, but she was still far from coherent - her breath was hot and heavy, and the all-consuming desire to feed would need far more than a bump on the head to have its iron grip released. That need still ran through her, causing her fists to clench and her teeth to grind together. It drained her, too, making it a great task to pick herself back up off the dirt. She stumbled into the great tree in front of her a few times before feebly grasping onto it for support.

 

Even in the shade of the leaves high above, the warmth of the air still stuck to her. How long had she been aimlessly meandering, looking like a mad crone? Thought did her no good; it only seemed to strengthen her emerging headache. She couldn’t even recall where she was going. 

 

Another rush of burning impulse shook her with such vigour that it threatened to pull her back to the ground. The message was clear: succour was demanded, and immediately. There was no-one to call on out here, and so she would have to turn to the sleeping world. The time for reflection on morals and rationality would come later; this need that clutched her so tightly was an inescapable madness. 

 

She was very unsure of where she had ended up. The forest here was far denser, the trees far more ostentatious than the ones near her own abode. Plenty of individuals lived in hives crafted out of such trees, she was aware, and finding someone to take from would not prove to be a greatly difficult task - or so she hoped.

 

Only when she attempted to take her first step did she face her first setback. Until that point, she was utterly unaware of just how tired her intoxicated escapade had made her, but now she noticed that her breath was still coming out in deep, heavy waves; and as she pushed herself away from the bark that had supported her, she came very close to falling face-first back upon the ground. She was shaking, hunched over, and suddenly wrought with fear. It felt like it had been so long since last this hunger had held her like this, and she couldn’t recall a time when it had been this ferocious.

 

Taking in an unsteady breath, she tried to steel herself and took another few steps forward. Salvation, she assured herself, would come to her the second she found someone - which, with any amount of luck, would not be long from now. Surely there would be a hive or two around here. The fresh gash on her head seemed to be shutting itself for the time being, for she no longer felt blood running down her face and body. Her pace steadily went from snail-like to plodding, and through all the biting pains and the desires that were vying for takeover, she found - or forced upon herself - the tenacity to fight through it all.

 

Sweat stuck to her skin and trickled down her face, receding into her clothing and falling down onto the muddy earth beneath. The forest was a maze of endless twisting pathways, strange darkened dead-ends, and lifeless branches above. All the while Kanaya’s resolve seemed to be slowly flickering away. Multiple times she felt inclined to allow herself to collapse, to sleep, and then let instinct take over. But rationale kicked in each time, not allowing this scenario to see light.

 

Vision once more became hazy, and the dull pain in her head refused to become any duller. Kanaya’s persistence almost seemed futile. At last, though, the fruit of her labour paid off, as she found herself slipping upon the first of many stairs. In her bleariness she couldn’t tell where they led, but with nary a thought to go along with it, she started to climb the staircase, invigorated by a strong sense of urgency and purpose. 

 

Once more her eyesight was filled with complete clarity, and she realized that she was now upon the outer edge of the forest. Sunlight was breaking through the treeline, and in what felt like mere seconds Kanaya had finished her ascension. In front of her was a door, intricately carved out of the very wood of the tree itself. There was little time to admire the finer details of the craftsmanship, though - to Kanaya, it was the sole barrier between her and the sweet release she so desperately craved.

 

Of course it was locked. In her rush of excitement Kanaya hadn’t stopped to consider that. She inhaled and mustered as much of her fleeting energy as she could. The door looked strong, certainly; it would take a very good hit, perhaps two, to break open. She decided she was ready, and, steadying herself, she charged forward, delivering a sharp, sure-footed kick forward.

 

She fell, and the door remained steadfast. Kanaya resolved to ignore the throbbing pain in her leg, replacing it with anger and a fierce determination to tear down the barricade. Up she sprang, breathing in and psyching herself up once more before unleashing a second spirited attempt.

 

Again, she fell - but this time swinging forward with the door. She would be limping for some time after, she knew, but that was far from the front of her mind. She was in, and so very close to release. Seemingly impervious to the pain that she should be feeling, that consuming desire for consumption gripping her, forcing her onwards. Of course, she couldn’t allow that desire to fully take hold of her, lest she go too far, but she allowed it some presence. There was already a faint smell of blood in the air, or so she swore - perhaps it was a trick of her addled mind, or perhaps the one she would be drinking from was nearby. Either way, it was glorious.

 

The sound of footsteps rang in her ears. Someone was fast approaching. The way the door was knocked aside was rather noisy, in retrospect. Still, there was little else she could do to get in. A sleeping vessel would have been preferred, but there was little use in arguing over the little things. This eliminated the need for a search, anyway. 

 

A girl entered the room, only scarcely shorter than Kanaya. She was clearly unafraid of the intruder, grasping a large stick that had been sharpened to a point. A primitive tool, certainly, but very effective in capable hands. And the girl certainly seemed capable enough - both her hair and clothing were wild, unkempt messes, and she herself was specked with blood dotted all over her body. Kanaya surmised that she’d been conditioned - or conditioned herself - to survive in this desolate environment without outside help.

 

The wild girl didn’t stop to initiate any pleasantries, lunging at Kanaya without a word exchanged. Kanaya forced herself away from the makeshift spear, though her leg rendered her slow; and as a result she found her side scraped by the tip of the spear. At that moment, all the rage, anguish, and frustration that had led Kanaya here bubbled to the surface, and she resolved to end the conflict before it really got started. She slinked forward with unnatural speed and dug both her hands into the side of the girl’s head. Before she could have any chance to retaliate, Kanaya silenced her, digging her fangs deep into her neck.

 

Blood began to flow into Kanaya’s mouth in great spurts. Golden, though the flavour hardly mattered. What did matter was the release of it all - not even her first time drinking had felt quite as good as this. It shook Kanaya to her core, sending wave after wave of utter bliss straight to her brain. All at once, she felt all her energy return, all her pain fade away, every ailment that could have possibly plagued her, now or ever, escaping her for good.

 

Or so it felt, for but a moment. Seconds later, however, she found the feeling fast eluding her. She found herself aware of where she was, of what she was doing, and felt nothing but the warmth of the blood pooling into her mouth. Anger filled her, and she drained more, desperate for more release.

 

It never came. The goldblood in her arms slowly stopped struggling, and as she finally stopped, Kanaya released her, falling to her knees as the girl fell flat. Golden streaks flew from her ruptured neck, painting Kanaya’s head and chest. The drinker, though, felt nothing. She simply stared towards the ceiling, shaking. Her thirst still gripped her - certainly, it was no longer as potent, but it was still there, and still very much had her. She needed more. 

 

She looked down at the girl beneath her, the golden blood now simply pooling onto the wooden floor, seeping into the bark. After a few violent convulsions, the goldblood was motionless. Dead.

 

What worried Kanaya was her lack of empathy. What replaced it were justifications dancing around her mind. She was attacked, she was simply defending herself. This is just the way of life out here. You did nothing wrong. It was you or her. You did what you needed to. You are fine.

  
She collapsed alongside the goldblood, hair soaking up some of the golden pool. Soon, she would have to get up and feed again. The thought both terrified and utterly thrilled her.


	15. Chapter 13 - All the Madmen

Another day, another body. Two, actually. One was a young, pretty teal blood, the other a stocky, near fully-grown olive blood. He had put up a great deal of resistance, twice almost threatening to break out and exact swift revenge. In the end, though, he was felled, just like everyone before him.

 

They could no longer entertain any designs on escaping once they had been forced into the maw of Vriska’s lusus. Finding and taking two back in one outing was certainly a hassle, given that Terezi wasn’t willing to help, but it certainly tamed the grand spider for a good while, especially with such large offerings. She would be silent for a while now, something for which Vriska was very thankful.

 

She had found herself wrought with overwhelming  _ emotion _ and  _ feeling _ as of late, which annoyed her. Kanaya hadn’t messaged her like she’d promised, only made her worry more. That worry soon manifested itself into frustration and regret - Kanaya had seemed so flustered and urgent when she had come to Vriska; perhaps she shouldn’t have let her go so easily? She had simply wanted to reassure her, to calm her down. It was unlike Kanaya to be so riled up, and her voice quivered in a way that conveyed to Vriska genuine fear.

 

Vriska was still unsure as to exactly what had gone wrong with her. She understood Kanaya’s fear that her feeding was doing a great deal of damage, and whilst Vriska certainly couldn’t deny that, she was on the cusp of saying that she simply didn’t  _ care. _ Kanaya wouldn’t have liked to hear that, though, and Vriska wanted her placated - she didn’t like to see her so very frightened. Kanaya was meant to be the stable one, the only one Vriska could rely on to express her own pangs of doubt, or fear. 

 

She had given her best shot at quelling Kanaya, and it had seemed to work, but still. The worry remained. Oh, she had sounded cool and collected, but that was her proficiency in acting the part. She still didn’t even know  _ why _ Kanaya had gotten into such a state. Her best guess was that she had gotten hungry and needed to feed, but to make such a scene... it was all very confusing.

 

And now there was the radio silence. Endless reasons flickered through Vriska’s mind, none particularly pleasant, and none implausible. Kanaya has her reasons, she assured herself, though the reasons themselves remained uncertain. She was considering leaving to go seek out Kanaya’s hive - but that would involve leaving Terezi on her own.

 

Terezi had been surprisingly civil, though she refused to step foot outside. She seemed somewhat calmer, and a lot more talkative. But there was still plenty wrong in her head, that much was apparent - Vriska could still hear distant giggling every now and then, especially as dawn approached, and on more than one occasion she had found one or two of her possessions broken on the ground. Terezi didn’t seem to think herself culpable, however obvious it was that she had done it.

 

Besides those setbacks, though, she seemed at least somewhat fine. The two had spent a great deal of the past few days reminiscing. Terezi seemed to have a far greater memory than Vriska, digging up moments that Vriska had not even vaguely recalled happening. It seemed a long time since they were last out role-playing, or out with one another in general. She missed it.

 

When she tried to bring Terezi out on some improvised adventure, though, she found that Terezi steadfastly objected to leaving the hive. She would give no reason beyond “I can’t.” Vriska chalked it up to lingering madness, something she would get over in time. It was not a code she expected to be able to crack; she was simply happy to have her friend be coherent again.

 

As she returned to her room, Vriska’s first priority was to check for messages. To her dismay, there was still nothing.  _ It’s fine, _ she would repeat to herself.  _ Soon.  _ This did little to kill her fear, but she liked to pretend it did. 

 

She considered going to sleep. There was still a short while until daybreak, but it had been a tiring day. There were so many mental gymnastics involved in trying to calm herself, all of which had seemed to fail. She wasn’t doing a very good job of convincing herself that everything was alright. It wasn’t. Something was wrong, that much was evident. She just didn’t know  _ what,  _ and that was what bit at her the most. There was a strong temptation to scream at herself, to set Vriska Serket straight - that she was getting worked up over nothing, and that it had only been two days. She was driving herself mad because of  _ nothing. _

 

Groaning, she ran her hands over face. Thought was doing her no good. She simply needed to lie down and forget. Perhaps Kanaya would be back by the time she was awake, or perhaps she would be woken up and taken by her as dawn started breaking through the glass. But these were all dreams, and her worries nightmares. Right now, she sat in the unknown, not knowing which of the two she would awake to.

 

“Vriska.” Terezi’s voice snapped her away from deep thought. She was standing in her doorway, obscured by shadow. Her teeth seemed to gleam through the dark.

 

Shaking herself into a more lucid state, Vriska turned herself to face Terezi. “Uh... hey. What’re you doing up here?” She stared dead at Terezi, vaguely confused. Had she invited her up? Maybe something had been misplaced? Her mind was all a jumble.

 

“What, am I not allowed here?” There was that giggle again. Something about it seemed almost malicious. Was it just her tired brain? Was she asking too many questions? She felt the answer to her last query was ‘yes,’ but she couldn’t be sure.

 

Terezi was inching ahead, still expecting an answer. “Well, it... is my room. Usually supposed to tell you to come up here, or something.”

 

Her answer was quickly shrugged off. “Ahh, but I wanted to hang out. Can’t do that downstairs if you’re up here!”

“Well, I guess that’s true. Sorry. I’m just really tired right now, heh.”

 

Terezi brought herself close - uncomfortably so, as she had done several times since she had arrived. “Tired? Is that all? You smell ill.”

 

Vriska let out a weak, brief laugh. “You can smell illness now?”

 

Jabbing a finger into Vriska’s shoulder, Terezi released another bout of laughter. “I’ve always been able to! I’ve just never smelled it on you before. It’s a pretty interesting smell.”

 

Vriska was very unsure just how much of this was a game and how much was serious. At the best of times this was a problem with Terezi, and with her in this state, well... it only served to add to her confusion. She spent a moment in stumbling thought, unsure how to respond. “Heh, well... I don’t feel ill, really. Just, fatigued. That’s a good word for it - picked that up from Kanaya.”

 

Another great cackle, cacophonously loud, right into Vriska’s ear. “What else have you picked up from her?”

 

Vriska placed a hand on Terezi’s shoulder, trying to gently urge her back. She no longer felt in the mood for playing Terezi’s games. “Is this an interrogation now?”

 

Bringing her hands together, Terezi’s grin somehow seemed to grow. “Oh, if I see an opportunity to refine my techniques, I’ll take it! How else am I supposed to get better at  _ striking fear into the hearts of the unjust? _ ”

 

She spoke very mightily, Vriska had to give her that. The enthusiasm couldn’t be shared, though. Her laugh this time was even more disheartened than the last. “Look, Terezi, I really think I should sleep now. We can do this tomorrow, maybe. You can, uh... I dunno, go poke one of those knitted spiders that are lying about the place?”

 

Terezi seemed to get the hint, at least. It was an awfully strong hint. “Ohhh, alright. Ehehe. I’ll go do that. You sleep well.” Without waiting for a response from Vriska, she stalked away, her laughter echoing up through the staircase.

 

Attempting to block out every thought that plagued her mind, Vriska set herself about sleeping. Her mind took its time to calm, but slowly it wavered, and her vision became host to dreams taking form as memories. 

 

She recalled a time long ago she had spent with Kanaya, one that ended with her on the floor with a broken nose. The thought made her laugh. Then she was with Terezi; they were on some sort of adventure. There were no costumes, and so it couldn’t be roleplaying... ah, yes, the cave. How could she have forgotten about the cave?

 

The cave was something that the pair had come upon during one of their FLARP sessions, but a cautious Terezi had prevented the headstrong Vriska from charging straight ahead. It took months of whittling down, but eventually she broke through Terezi’s resolve. It was a chilly night when they made their way inside, unsure of what they would find.

 

What they found was nothing - nothing but a twisting maze of stone corridors and deep, foul-smelling pools. They spent the whole day inside, lost, and - though neither of them would ever admit it - frightened. Together they fell asleep, secretly fearful that they had found themselves entombed.

 

The following night they continued aimlessly searching for an exit. Terezi was clearly frustrated, often reminding Vriska that this was a bad plan. Vriska shrugged this off, hiding her inner terror. Eventually, after so many hours of trepidatious wandering, Terezi was done, shouting her frustration at Vriska. Before Vriska could formulate a smug response, she was hit in the face. She fell, and was hit again, and again, and again. To her side, Terezi picked up a heavy stone, and began to beat Vriska with it, again, and again, and again. Soon enough, all was darkness.

 

Vriska awoke in a sweat. Light was shimmering in from outside. That wasn’t how it happened. Obviously, that wasn’t how it happened. They escaped. They escaped within a day. It was fun. 

 

Or... was there even a cave? Had her mind made that up? Her head hurt. Suddenly, Vriska no longer wanted to sleep. Nor did she want to be awake. She wanted Kanaya to be here. She wanted her head to stop doing this to her all the time. She wanted it all to come to a stop.


	16. Chapter 14 - Larkspur and Lazarus

****

Her body was the canvas of a masterwork. Her clothing, now ragged and worn out, and the skin on her face were dyed with magnificent abstractions of all colours. Pausing for a moment, she admired herself in front of a mirror. It was an ostentatious thing, much like the rest of this hive - the young man residing here seemed like he was living a rather cozy lifestyle, far from all the burdens and expectations of Alternian society.

Or, rather, he had lived such a life. There was nary a drop of sweet purple nectar left inside him. It had all gone into Kanaya, filling her with unrepentant joy and sending her quivering. Purple was a rarity on her sojourn through the valleys and woods of hives, a flavour she had only encountered once before. She relished it for all it was worth.

And still she did not feel satiated. How many had she taken from now - five, ten? She’d lost track; or perhaps she had lost the ability to count. The journeys between each hive seemed a blur, passing by in a fraction of a second, until time returned to a crawl the moment her fangs penetrated the neck of whoever resides within. There had been plenty of resistance against her advances - it was not just their blood that painted her; there was a long streak of jade flowing down from her shoulder. An imposing indigo-blood had stabbed her there, putting up the greatest challenge she had faced. In the end, though, none had been able to stand before her. She liked to imagine that each time she drank from someone, she became a little more powerful. There was no evidence from this, but she  _ felt _ it. If it was a lie, she didn’t deign to care.

Exiting the purple-blood’s hive, she found that evening had fallen once more. Many would be waking up around this time, and they were always more trouble when they were lively. It mattered not, though, for Kanaya felt practically invincible. There was no fear that she would be matched, no worry over her own safety, and the consequences had been thoroughly damned. The next hive was already in her sight, a smaller, blocky, grey thing.

She advanced, and in an instant, she was there, journey already forgotten. The door inside was unlocked, and her next drink was sitting inside, seeming as if he was waiting for her. He was whiling away at wood or playing with dolls or doing something equally as worthless, and before he even had the barest chance of registering what was happening, he was pinned to the ground, neck ruptured open and veins pouring his essence straight into Kanaya’s mouth.

More bronze. This was an annoyingly common occurrence - there had to have been four by now. Regardless, blood was still blood, and for a brief moment, Kanaya felt that wonderful rush, the impetus for all this. It faded quickly, and the hunger returned, dimmer, but still very much fervent. Opening her eyes, she found the bronze-blood as still as the rest, contributing to the painting as his last act.

And so it went on, and on. For how long, Kanaya could not have said. The blood covering her dried up and was soon overlaid with more, gleaming and wet. Seemingly endless, faceless bodies fell before her - some part of her mind said that she recognized some of them, but that thought was drowned out by the screaming demand for more, more. Her eyes stung as they too were coated, and eventually she collapsed.

Everything was black. Kanaya no longer felt hunger, nor pain or joy, all of which were replaced by a nothingness, timeless and infinite. Here she lay trapped, thoughtless.

When at last she awoke, she found herself sated. Dirt pillowed her as she lay still, breathing slowly. Realization dawned on her, images of her journey running through her mind, and still she felt nothing. A light rain had begun to fall, washing away a small amount of the grime her body had accumulated. Most of it still clung to her, though. 

She picked herself up, glancing around, and realized she was lost. The night was consumed by the fullness of its darkness, and to either side of her she found the grand walls of a long canyon. Legs sore, she intuitively picked a direction and began making her way. The walk was thoughtless, in the most replete sense of the word. One leg moved forward, and then the other, and that was all she knew until she found herself in a sparse wood she now recognized.

It was not far from Vriska’s hive, it occurred to her. Visiting her would be nice. It would be warm, and she could clean herself up. Vriska would be glad to see her, she was sure. How long had it been? Two days? A week? A month? Again, thought eluded her, and she returned her focus to her walk. The physical extent of her tirade was starting to take its toll on her, as her legs began to buckle and she found herself short of breath.

Supporting herself against a tree, thought had begun to return to her. The knowledge of what exactly she had been doing seeped into her mind, and she realized that they had died. All of them. And it was no accident - no, she had intended to kill them, to break open their necks and watch them bleed out and to savour every drop of blood she could. At that moment, every manner of revulsion possible swept down upon her, and she leapt up, suddenly hysterical.

Vriska. Her hive. She needed to get there, now, to have someone to calm her down, to have some form of reassurance, to just take her mind away from  _ this _ . It pained her to even glance vaguely towards her gently glowing skin, now glazed in a twisted rainbow of colours. Though she no longer felt the thirst - and now felt completely repulsed at the idea of ever doing so again - she knew it would return, and likely soon. Terror gripped her. She began to sprint, much as it pained her, desperate to get away from her own thoughts.

Though her body screamed at her to stop, to fall to her knees and accept sickness, she knew that this could not come to pass. Stopping now would destroy her, thrusting her into the machinations of her thoughts, forcing her to remember every detail of her actions. This couldn’t happen, not now. 

The hive was in sight, yet still so very far away. Time and again Kanaya stumbled, ready to give in and succumb to her mind, but her damaged legs continued to carry her. The path ahead stretched on, rough and uneven, daring her to fall. Eventually, though, she made it - somehow - to the upwards incline beneath Vriska’s hive.

The pain was unbearable, both physically and mentally. She was being torn limb from limb, or so it felt like. The barricade in her mind could hold no longer, and thoughts began to seep out - regret, joy, utter fear. The upwards climb was brutal, bound to break her, to destroy what was left of that feeling of immunity. Against the odds, though, she made it atop the hill, ready to collapse and never think again. Her hand fell hard against the door, and the familiar skittering rang out inside, and she knew she had made it to safety.

Thankfully, it was Vriska who answered. Kanaya grinned, in a dreamlike state. She looked so very beautiful behind the warm glow of the hall behind her. The two stared at each other in an uneasy silence for a moment. Voice shaky and strained, Kanaya managed a “hello.”

Vriska’s eyes ran up and down her, taking in the image. For a second, Kanaya detected a glint of fear in her eyes. “Kanaya... are you okay there?” She didn’t look as if she expected an answer.

Shuffling forward, Kanaya placed her hands on Vriska’s side. “I apologise. I know this looks, well, bad, but I promise you, I am quite okay. I just need to sit down. Clean off. Relax.” Without awaiting Vriska’s response, she moved deeper inside. She heard Vriska following behind her. 

“Right. Sure. You do that. I’ll, ah, be upstairs.” She sounded flighty, shaken, though that was to be expected. Kanaya only hoped she would be able to explain it all to her. She silently breathed a heavy sigh of relief. It was safe here. She would bring harm to no-one here, no matter how starved she became. There would be no way to undo her actions, but at least here she could contain any future urges.

As she discarded her now-soiled clothing and began to clean herself, she was finally forced to reflect on it all. It was not as scarring an experience as she thought it would be, though even that worried her. Of course she felt truly awful for all she had done, but the regret was not incredibly deep. It might very well happen again, she knew. It was not something she could escape, and  _ that _ was the most nauseating part of it. That was what she tried to put out of mind. Looking in the mirror, she found herself cleansed once more. Her body still shook, though, and there was no reversing what had been done.

She found Vriska sitting in her room, toying with some device. It was put aside when Kanaya entered. “Hey. You’re looking better.”

Kanaya sat close by her, smiling vaguely. “And I almost feel it, too.” She paused for thought.  “I didn’t see Terezi anywhere.”

“Hm? Oh, yeah, she’s doing something down in the basement. No idea what. She’s definitely getting better, though, so that’s something.” She picked herself up, seating herself right by Kanaya. “And what about you? Gonna tell me what the hell happened to you? I never said this - well, couldn’t - but you worried me.”

She took Vriska’s hand on her own, looking right at her. “I truly am sorry. I found myself very thirsty, and, not wanting to drink from you... or Terezi, I planned to return to my hive and ask to take from someone else. Before I could get very far, though, I was, to put it simply, overwhelmed.”

Vriska smiled, though she also seemed to harbour some concern behind it. “That’s one way of putting it. You looked like you had fifty different colours on you. I wasn’t expecting to open my door to that.”   
  
For a second, Kanaya laughed, but her smile quickly faded. “They all died, Vriska. Because of me. I know ‘that’s just the way it is,’ but... it didn’t have to be like that. I lost all control. It was all I lived for.”

Vriska sighed, shaking her head. “Look, I’m not gonna tell you how to feel. But you did what you had to - maybe not the way you wanted it to happen, but so what? Don’t worry about it. You’re probably full up for the next sweep, anyway, and I already feel back to normal. You won’t have to do any of that again.” She smirked, then kissed Kanaya, sweetly and shortly.

“Maybe not. Maybe not. Thank you. I’d rather put it out of mind for now, if we may.”

  
“Oh, we may. I have to get you back for leaving me oh-so worried for all those days.” She laughed, and they kissed again, longer, bringing themselves down to the floor. It almost seemed normal to Kanaya, but something still distracted her, something dark still floating in the air and clinging to her mind.


	17. Chapter 15 - The Figurehead

The view from Vriska’s window was the same as it always was, but Kanaya had never really stopped to admire it before. It wasn’t conventionally beautiful, but in the warm fading light of the evening there was something magnificent about the orange-tinged craggy roads and sparse, colourful trees, little splashes of colour in the distance. The air outside was warm and pleasant, and Kanaya felt herself falling back into a peaceful rest in the serenity of it all.

 

Behind her, Vriska made a little groaning sound that indicated she, too, was waking up. The day before had been tiring, in the most pleasant way possible, and in the end they had found themselves entangled in one another as they slept awkwardly on a seat. As a result, Kanaya had awoken sore and groggy, but satisfied. Moving herself away from Vriska, careful not to wake her, she opened a set of windows and relaxed herself upon the sill, letting the evening air soothe her.

 

Stretching upwards, Vriska seemed to take a moment to register the fact that she was awake, glancing around with tired eyes. Eventually she found the silhouette of Kanaya against the windows, and the two locked gazes, tired evening smiles forming on their lips. “It’s funny,” Vriska picked herself up, yawning. “I was just dreaming about you.”

 

Kanaya couldn’t suppress a giggle of amusement. “Oh, now that’s just sweet. How long have you been waiting to use that one, I wonder?” She gestured for Vriska to come forward, hints of the previous day’s lust still lingering.

 

“I’d guess about two weeks.” She laughed in return, eyes wildly darting around. “You happen to know where my shirt ended up?”

 

Almost splitting her lip open as she bit down another laugh, Kanaya waved vaguely in the direction of what looked like it could be a pile of clothing. “Somewhere in there, I imagine. Do you really need it, though?”

 

Scrambling through the pile and managing to find a shirt - it wasn’t hers, but neither of them argued the point - it was Vriska’s turn to roll her eyes. “Oh, c’mon, I bet you’ve had  _ that _ one waiting for a month now. If you want our guest to see me shirtless then that’s your deal. I don’t think I’m gonna oblige.”

 

Kanaya grinned, letting slip a wink that she thought was rather suave. “Perhaps not then.”

 

“That’s what I thought.” Vriska lazily strided towards the archway that led to the staircase, glancing back at the windowsill. “Coming?”

 

“Oh, no, I think I’ll stay here a while, perhaps until it gets dark. I’ll join you then.” Kanaya nodded at Vriska, who shrugged and made her way down.

 

Turning her attention back to the outside, Kanaya continued to probe the landscape for more funny little details. In the distance she could discern movement, a small troupe of perhaps five or ten. What they were doing traversing such barren lands, she could not say, but she wished the strangers the best.

 

Far, far away upon the horizon was the hint of a colourful, denser forest, one she recognized as the pathway back to her own hive. It felt like it had been sweeps since she’d last been there. Most of her plants were probably dead or dying, which, she supposed, was a shame. It would likely all be a horribly dusty affair, too. She was eager to return, but not exceptionally so.

 

There were few pleasant memories she had associated with the place, anyway. Certainly, as a wiggler and growing up, it had seemed a paradise, allowing her to bask in the sun that so few other Alternians had the opportunity to enjoy, and to immerse herself in the many books she had accumulated over a few sweeps. She rarely ventured far from the hive, but she was perfectly content with that - albeit only for so long.

 

She placed a hand gently upon her stomach, running it over the rather grotesque scar that blemished her skin. It was a nice hive to grow up in, yes, but she couldn’t forget she had died there once. It was something she had spent very little time reflecting on since she had awoken as a rainbow drinker, so taken was she with her newfound undeath. But once she had wanted nothing more than an end.

 

The reasons behind her want of an escape, the sequence of events that had led up to it all, were oddly dim in her memory. Perhaps she had repressed them for fear of the feelings emerging again - she couldn’t say. What she could remember was a feeling of deep, traumatizing loneliness, in a vacuum of complete isolation. There was something different about that loneliness from the kind she had accepted and embraced years prior, something that had made her feel rejected and completely unwanted.

 

On the night she carried through the act, she remembered feeling nothing but anticipation and excitement for the upcoming nothingness. Scarcely she recalled the feelings that rushed through her as the blade plunged through her, both physical and emotional. It was painful, very painful, but only for a second. Moments after, as she fell to the floor and jade liquid began to pool around her convulsing body, she felt nothing but utter elation, a feeling that seemed to last forever as consciousness began to elude her.

 

It was very confusing when she awoke. She felt light, tucked into a dreamlike state, and she felt no pain. There were some that preached the idea of life after death, but it wasn’t something she had ever taken credence in. As vision returned to her and she found herself on the floor of her room, blood soaking into her clothes, she soon was dazzled by the light radiating of her own skin.

 

She was still on the ground for some time, still very unsure whether or not this was some arcane vision conjured by her mind as she went through her death throes. In time, though, she realized that it was no dream, but that she was among the living once again. Movement found its way back to her, and she sat up, examining herself. The wound in her stomach was still leaking, but it seemed stemmed somehow, and there was no pain to speak of.

Before she could register what had happened, the first bout of thirst had taken her. It was a violent one, forcing her up on her feet in an instant and compelling her to sprint out of her hive. Someone was hoping to meet her, she recalled, someone who was worried about her. Without really registering what exactly was happening, she found her way to him, bit into him before he could say anything, and, for the first time, Kanaya experienced bliss.

 

Her mind seemed to return to her after that, and suddenly she had purpose again. Somehow, she had become what she had always admired, what she had always read about, what she had always pined to be - and it felt  _ wonderful _ . The deep loneliness she had carried suddenly seemed like it belonged to another person. She felt free and filled with joy once more.

 

Kanaya chuckled a little at the memory, though it was something of a sad, weak laugh. It had been a dream come true back then - but now it seemed only/merely a burden. She ran a finger over her other scar, the one decorating her arm. This one was obtained out of a desperate need for blood, something that clinged to her always, and something that she knew she could never escape. Even now, after having gorged herself on the blood of so many, she felt something stirring beneath her body.

 

Laughing harder, almost maniacally, she found herself shaking once again. When this began it had seemed like a dream, a reason to continue, but now life was more of a burden than ever before. Even at its quietest, the thirst was still incessant, always slowly bubbling up within her. She could ignore it, certainly, but the moment she let her guard down and thought about it she was plunged into a desire to drink.

 

There was no solution, or at least she couldn’t see one. People had already died just so Kanaya’s mind could be at ease, and there would never be any way to reverse that. And there would be more - try as she might to fight that urge, and to find easier, less violent ways of becoming satiated, she simply knew that eventually she would snap again, and that she would surrender to the instinct for more, a desire for every drop of blood on the planet.

 

Tears had formed in her eyes, she noticed. It was not like her to tear up, not at all. If she did, she kept it on the inside. Now, though, she could do nothing but sit and quake and cry, because there was no escape from the inevitability of her condition. The more she thought about it, the hungrier she got. Even now she felt the warm waves of pure need coursing through her, demanding more. It never ended, and it only seemed to get more frequent with every drop that touched her tongue.

 

She felt completely lost. Desperately she scrambled for some source of comfort, something that told her she was overreacting, that everything would be alright, but there was nothing. This was the fate she would have to resign herself to - living like some form of monster, preying on the sleeping and tearing apart those who would dare resist her.

 

Was she the only one who had suffered through this? There were no stories of such instances outside of fiction, none that she could recall. That loneliness began to creep inside her mind again, as suddenly she felt like a beast meant to be penned and caged.

Chewing at her lip, she tried to compose herself. A fang scraped over the skin of her mouth, drawing out the smallest amount of jade. It tasted of nothing, and she felt the same - it wasn’t enough. It was never enough. The thirst had taken hold again, warring for supremacy over her mind. She slinked off of the sill, feet moving forward unwillingly. Part of her was screaming for her to stop, to turn back and suck in the fresh air and rest for a while.

  
The other part commanded her forward, demanding satisfaction. It was this part that was the loudest, the most forceful, the most completely convincing. She was forced to comply as she made her first step down the stairs.


	18. Chapter 16 - No Shade in the Shadow of the Cross

A gentle breeze drifted through the air and touched upon Kanaya’s skin, warm and pleasant in the early hours of dawn. She sat under the shade of a tree she very much enjoyed sitting beneath, head buried in a fantastical tale she’d been enjoying of late. Her attention wasn’t completely rapt, though, due to a splitting headache she had been enduring since the previous night.

 

She’d managed to find herself embroiled in some game - “Empress of the Tree” or somesuch - after Vriska had dragged her along over the pretence of ‘owing her.’ She’d been happy to sit on the sideline and watch Vriska and Terezi clash with each other while she stayed as far away as she could, but she’d been forced to take part when Vriska had smacked her to the ground. Responding in kind, Kanaya had delivered her own flurry of punches before being pulled away. They’d all laughed about it afterwards. It was a fun time, truth be told.

 

Her book wasn’t particularly interesting, anyway. It was a ridiculously schlocky fantasy tale about ‘two star-crossed lovers, one a witch, the other half-meowbeast.’ It had been dull from the beginning, but she didn’t enjoy putting books down once she had started them. Perhaps it would redeem itself somehow; and even if it couldn’t, it was mercifully short.

 

“Hey, warrior girl.” She felt something tap against her arm, snapping her attention away from her reading. Vriska loomed over her, grinning, face matted with damage. “Having fun?” She set herself beside Kanaya without asking, clearly trying to catch a glance of the book. Kanaya put it aside before she had an opportunity to read more than a few words.

 

“Well, I was.” Kanaya secretly laughed at her own little quip. “It’s rather late. What are you doing out here?”   
  
Vriska shrugged, looking around. “Couldn’t sleep. Mostly ’cause it hurts to lie down.” She snickered, giving Kanaya a mock punch - fake though it was, it still stung - in thanks. “Figured I’d walk around and see if anything interesting was happening.”

 

“And that brought you here? I’m not sure that looking at me reading a book is the thrill you’ve been looking for.”

 

Shaking her head, Vriska’s grin only seemed to grow. “Oh, trust me, it isn’t. But everyone and everything else is sleeping. You’re the only one weird enough to be up at this time doing something as boring as this.”

 

Kanaya glared at her in mock affront. “Really, now. I don’t do this for other people’s entertainment. I was quite content and entertained until a minute ago.”

 

“I’m sure you were.” Vriska shrugged. “I don’t get it, really. You hardly ever seem to leave this place. Every time I ask what you’re up to, it’s always ‘I’m reading something or whatever,’ or ‘I’m trying to make a dress’ - why, I dunno, because I’ve never seen you wear anything besides what you’ve got on now - it’s never anything  _ interesting.  _ I just don’t get it.”

Kanaya stared at Vriska in silence, momentarily stunned. It was naïve to expect Vriska not to be callous and far too direct, and it took much restrain not to just shout ‘who asked you any of that?’ Instead, she took a quick breath, formulating her response as she went. “I... suppose I just don’t enjoy going out as much as you. I don’t see anything wrong with staying inside, as long as it’s what I want to do. I find it interesting.”

 

Vriska threw up her hands, still seeming befuddled. “Yeah, I get that, I just dunno why I don’t see you around more. When you’re doing stuff with us, you’re always so fun.”

 

Immediately objecting with a sharp laugh, Kanaya shook her head. “Oh, come on now. The reason I never seem to get asked out to these little escapades is because you all know I don’t add anything. You’re the only one who ever actively seems to want to talk to me - and I’m fine with that. I’m quite happy here.”

 

Vriska picked herself up, looking stupefied. “No, no, no, that’s not how it is at all. People do wanna talk to you - they’ve said it themselves to me - but they don’t because they think you want to be left alone. Jeez, this is all one big circle of misunderstanding, isn’t it.” 

 

With a tired sigh of effort, Kanaya stood herself next to Vriska. “Apparently so. I suppose I just never assumed I was very... compatible with all of you. I haven’t the faintest idea of what you’d possibly find very fun in me.”

 

She felt another brief sting as Vriska rather crudely clapped her hand onto Kanaya’s shoulder. “Listen. Do you see my face right now? I don’t think I’ve got all the blood stains off and I’m fairly certain my nose is broken too. I’ve not had a beatdown like that in... ever, really. And it was great! So much fun, Kanaya. That’s why I like to have you around - sure, you may think you’re a stick-in-the-mud, but once you get into things, oh, you really get into things. It’s always a blast. Stop thinking so lowly of yourself, mm?”   
  
Scratching at her neck, Kanaya smiled faintly. “Well, I... suppose when you put it like that, I can see your point. I did have fun, all said. Quite a lot. It would be nice to do such things more often, I suppose.”

 

Another fake hit connected with her arm, this one more forceful than the last. “There we go! I knew I could get you to come around one of these days.” She yawned, stretching up. “That’s settled, then. I should probably get back before the sun gets too hot. You enjoy simmering in it, weirdo.” Vriska spun around, already taking her leave.

 

“I’ll see you soon, then.” Kanaya waved her off, rubbing at the spot where she’d been hit.

 

“Oh, you know it.” Vriska’s laugh trailed off as she melded away into the trees. Kanaya looked back down at her book, shaking her head and grinning. There was no point in forcing her way through it anymore. There were far more enjoyable things she could be doing.

 

**\------**

 

Everything seemed to be happening at half-speed. As Kanaya descended the grand staircase, she felt as if her legs had been shackled, causing her every step to be slow and painfully laborious. She didn’t want to go down there, she really didn’t. Something awful would happen if she did. What exactly it would be, she had no idea, but something would stir inside her and lead her to lose control once again. It terrified her to watch myriads of possible scenarios run through her head and past whatever signs of future stability were left. She felt sickened and wanted very much to turn back and rest. But she couldn’t, guided forward as she was, step by gruelling step.

 

She supposed it must be funny how strange it looked - each time her foot made contact with the next step below, she let out a small whimper, thoroughly scared of where she was going. Her breathing was erratic, occasionally stuck in her throat as she lost herself to hysteria. And yet still there was the slow, plodding movement downwards. Every part of her being was trying to fight against base instinct, but she could no longer keep up the resistance. It seemed as if hours had passed, like sand slipping through the floorboard, but at last she found herself by the archway that led to the hive’s living areas. Already she could detect the warm draw of blood in the air. It drew her closer.

 

“There you are!” Vriska’s voice called out to her. She was sitting on her own, immersed in some book until she spotted Kanaya. “Took you long enough. Thought you’d fallen out the window or something.”

 

Kanaya simply stared at her, wordless. She was shaking, mouth agape, and standing dead still. Vriska looked good in that shirt, she really did. And her smile - she was positively radiant. On any other day Kanaya would have drawn closer to admire her more fully. She couldn’t now, though. There was no way she would allow herself to move forward. Maintaining all this composure hurt, but she could not lose control now.

 

Vriska leaped up, cocking her head at Kanaya. “What’s with the silent treatment? You look like someone’s killed in front of you.” She approached Kanaya, brushing a lock of hair away from her face. Kanaya could almost see the blood running beneath the skin of her neck. Vriska’s look of vague amusement slowly turned to confused concern as Kanaya continued to be silent, shaking as she tried not to act. “No, really, what’s up? Something happen?”

 

Inhaling deeply, Kanaya muttered out her words, body aching with need. “Vriska. I need you to leave. Leave or... render me unconscious or kick me out or  _ something. _ Just please, please, get away from me, now.” Her fists clenched, she stared Vriska dead in the eyes, hoping beyond hope she would heed her call.

 

Taking two steps back, Vriska folded her arms. “Whoah. Calm down there. You’re gonna be alright. Come sit down, take a breath. It’s going to be fine.”

 

Gritting her teeth, Kanaya shook her head - that, too, was slow and painful. “I need you to understand now - if you don’t do something to distance us very, very soon, then I am going to hurt us both. I would very much like for that not to happen. Please, do something, now.”

 

Vriska sighed, shaking her head. “Stop it, please; I don’t want to hear this.” She took one of Kanaya’s hands in her own. Kanaya did nothing to stop her, remaining completely still. “We’re gonna take you out, and we’re gonna find someone for you. That sound good?” She smiled sweetly, touching her forehead against Kanaya’s before laying a soft kiss on her.

 

Kanaya could contain her thirst no longer. Vriska was so close, and her blood ran so warm beneath her skin. There was no longer any resisting the temptation. As the kiss was broken, she moved her lips down to Vriska’s neck, kissing there for a moment before sinking her fangs in uninvited. At that moment, at last Kanaya found the release she had been seeking. It was not simply the fact that it was cerulean blood, no, it was that it was  _ Vriska’s _ \- it had felt like so very, very long since she had experienced this sensation, the feeling that sent waves of unimpeded pleasure through her second after second.

 

It all seemed to last an eternity, until she was interrupted by striking upon her shoulder. Once again she was awake, back in Vriska’s hive. Slowly, she became dimly aware of everything. “Hey!” she heard Vriska call. “Kanaya, come on, that’s enough.” She heard the words, but she did not understand them, so pre-occupied she was with her consumption. “Kanaya!” The striking seemed to be getting weaker. “I said...” For a moment, they stopped. “I said  _ enough! _ ” A final, brutal strike sent Kanaya stumbling backwards, her teeth ripping through a vein.

 

As the blood stopped pouring into her mouth, Kanaya looked down and saw Vriska on her knees, tears clouding her eyes and hand firmly placed over her neck. Again, she saw the picture, but could not comprehend it. Shouting - screaming - ran in her ears, but slowly it, too, faded away, and as it subsided Vriska fell, motionless.

 

An eternity seemed to pass, but soon enough Kanaya regained her awareness. She looked at the image before her, and realized what had happened. For a second, she refused it to be true, but that would do nothing. There was nothing that could be done now, and so she wailed, turning away and casting that picture out of her mind. It couldn’t be, it simply couldn’t. There was no way she could have done that. Even at her worst, she couldn’t bring herself to harm Vriska. Never. Never.

 

She found herself in the mirror once again. It was more of a grotesque image than she recalled, something truly horrifying. Chaotic streaks of blue littered her body. She couldn’t bare to look at it anymore - her fist flew forward, shattering the glass and hitting it as many times as she was able. Shards flew all around, one bursting forth and piercing her eye, and at that she screamed again, louder, and fell.

 

Her screams subsided into pathetic whimpes, and as she lay on the floor, shaking and bloodied, she wanted nothing more than to wake up. That would never happen, though - and so instead, she slept.


	19. Chapter 17 - Magic Window

Emerging from the blackness, she slowly became aware of her breathing. It was ragged, strained, and she realized that her throat stung badly. There were other parts of her that cried out, too - she felt the raw sensation of thousands of miniscule but nonetheless deep cuts on her hand. And her eye - every time she blinked, it felt unnatural, painfully so. As some of her vision returned, everything was found to be a messy blur, room completely enveloped in darkness beyond a few distant silhouettes highlighted by her own glow.

 

Conscious thought began to drip back into her, and much as she would have liked to escape the thoughts forever, realization crept up on her. She’d killed again - or at least left her as good as dead - and this time it was no stranger she could spend her life forgetting about. Vriska. The girl who had brought her so much warmth in such little time, suddenly still and dead, messy with her own blood. Cold. Because of Kanaya.

 

Something had a vice-like grip on her wrists. When she glanced down to examine them, she saw why - fetters clamped on, chained firmly to the ground. She was unable to move them more than a few inches before they got caught. Frantically she tried freeing herself from whatever had caught her, but the rattling of chains and firmness of her binds made way to the realization that she had been completely shackled in place. Stuck on her knees, all she could do was place her head back against the stone wall and try to find some way to accept her fate.

 

She couldn’t, though. She so desperately wanted to cry out, to unleash all her anguish to the skies above, but all her scratched throat and lost energy would allow her was a pathetic whimper. It would have been far better if she had died when she’d intended to, that much she knew. There would have been less hurt, less tragedy, so much less blood. She’d forgotten that all the fantasies she loved to read contained struggle, and how she wish this one had never come to pass.

 

In a manic frenzy, she bared her teeth and tried reaching for her arm, hoping beyond hope to bring her fangs to a vein, to open it up and to sup lifeblood once more before letting it end. It wouldn’t happen, though - the chains simply were not long enough, keeping the skin of her arm mere fractions of an inch from her face. The only pain she felt was the shackles digging deep into her wrists. It wasn’t enough - there was no release, no catharsis. Just the agony of being trapped with nothing but the realization of what she had done.

 

Tears broke out of her again, accompanied by an absolutely piteous whining. What a wretched grotesque she was, a maniacal beast that deserved nothing more than to be locked in a cage and forgotten about. How long it would take her to rot away, she wondered? She prayed it would be soon.

 

“What’s the matter, hm?” Kanaya was thrust from her own tumultuous thoughts by the sound of a distant voice, which was accompanied by the long, drawn out sound of something dragging across the floor. Eventually Terezi emerged from the shadows, form still blurred. She swung a chair in front of her, sat herself down, and, with her piercing red eyes, gazed directly into Kanaya.

 

Kanaya could only gawp in return, having no words. What could she say? There was nothing left. All she could do now was to await whatever Terezi had planned for her, and hope it would soon be over.

 

Terezi cocked her head, sharp teeth glinting in Kanaya’s dim light. “Why are you looking at me like that? Don’t you have anything to say? You seem like you’ve been through a lot.” She practically leaped from the chair, crawling on her knees towards Kanaya and inhaling deeply. “You’ve spilled something all over yourself. And when I found you, you had all these shards in you. Here...” She ran a hand over Kanaya’s, roughly, irritating the many cuts that laced the surface of her skin. Kanaya let out a low hiss in response, but was too far gone and scared to talk. “... and here, too.” She ran a finger over Kanaya’s eyelid, which let out another pained whimper from the drinker. “Oh, don’t worry, you get used to it. It’s better than both of them, right?” The image of her sharp grin haunted Kanaya for a moment before her captor picked herself up and began pacing.

 

Back and forth, back and forth she went, staring at Kanaya all the while. Silence permeated the room before Terezi stopped, lunatic grin dissipation for a grimace of great rage. “Well? Speak up! I spent all this time preparing this just for you, and you’re not giving me anything to work with! How am I supposed to tell if I’m doing a good job.”

 

Shaking, and thoroughly frightened, Kanaya took a hesitant breath. “I don’t have anything more to say. I am... done. Finished. I just want this all to end.” She brought her gaze down onto the cold, grey stone floor, no longer wishing to look into those burning eyes.

 

Something struck the side of her face, hard. Blood seeped into her mouth as she glanced back up and saw Terezi grasping one half of her cane. “You...” The cane was pressed hard into her neck, constricting her breathing. “... don’t get to decide when it ends. You can’t just escape the consequences after all you’ve done. That’s not how it works.” She shook her head grimly, pressing the tip of the cane in even harder for a moment before reeling it back.

 

Sputtering and coughing, it took all of Kanaya’s fleeting, minimal composure not to start bawling, to start begging for an end. Voice strained and cracking, she managed to ask, “Then what? What do you want? Whatever it is, I’d rather we just... get it over with.”

 

Again she was struck, from the other direction this time. “There is no ‘just getting it over with’ here.” She stood away, shaking - she, too, seemed to be struggling to maintain herself. “I was waiting for this to happen. I told you - I told you! - not to hurt anyone, but I knew that you would.”

  
Tears forming once more, Kanaya struggled against her bonds, speaking as loud as her broken voice would allow her. “I never wanted this to happen.”

  
That response provoked a pained laugh from Terezi. “Oh, of course you didn’t. That doesn’t change the fact that it  _ did.  _ You’re not redeemed because you have regrets, Maryam.” Once more she approached, squatting down and coming eye to eye with Kanaya, grabbing her chin and forcing the two to lock eyes. She, too, was crying. “I could ignore the drinking from your friends thing; that wasn’t alarming at all. Safe, easy, curbs the problem. I could even ignore the times you had to find a stranger to take from. Sure, it might have hurt them for a few days, but nobody was dying. But I saw you deteriorating. I knew you couldn’t keep up your act of sanity for much longer. That’s why I tested you - you remember that, right? And I have to admit, I was surprised when you didn’t snap on me.”

 

She sighed sadly, shaking her head. “But then you left, and I knew that when - if - you came back, you’d have done something you would be regretting. You’d become dangerous, a slave to your own sick urges. And so I had to prepare for the day you would hurt someone we both care about.”

 

Leaning close to Kanaya, so close all she could see was the deep red of her eyes, Terezi let out a miniscule giggle. “I have to say, you surprised me - I didn’t expect you to do it that quickly. It was impressive.” She pulled back, sitting and examining Kanaya for a moment. “She was my friend. It hurts that I couldn’t save her from this - she went on and on about how great you’d been, how much fun it was to be with you. I think she really loved you. She didn’t let a lot of people in, you know? Didn’t like many people at all. You meant a lot to her.” Her arms were folded, face plastered with a sinister smile. “I suppose you knew that, though.”

 

Kanaya shook hard, desiring only death. She hoped Terezi would drive her cane through her in a second, to put an end to it all. Nothing happened, though - Terezi sat in silence, staring, awaiting a response. Kanaya didn’t know how much time as passed before she responded, not willing to reflect on everything that had happened any further. “Please, just tell me - what do you want from me here?”

 

“Oh, I thought you’d never ask. Here’s where the fun starts.” She stood up, wiping her own tears away before leaning down and doing the same for Kanaya. “You can’t be a unique case - surely there are others like you out there, no? More mindless monsters preying on the sleeping and the weak. I’d like to know how I could combat them should I find out about another.” She grinned brightly down at Kanaya. “And you’re going to help me do that.”

 

Stirring in her chains, Kanaya bared her fangs. She wasn’t ready to be some experiment, a lab rat to be poked and prodded. Everything she had ever liked about herself was far gone now, but she maintained some glimmer of dignity. Still, though, she found no sense in asking to be set free - Terezi was not likely to say yes. Instead, she began thinking of ways to escape, in order to finally bring it all to an end. Through gritted teeth, all she could think to say was, “How do you suppose I’m going to help you?” 

 

Rubbing her hands together, Terezi let out a great gale of laughter. “Oh, Kanaya, you don’t have to do anything but sit there and look... pretty. I’ll be doing all the work, don’t you worry.” She gave Kanaya a pat on the head, nodding. “I think we’ll start off with my most pressing concern - what happens when you deprive one of your kind of the blood they so desperately need?” Hunching down, she pressed a finger up into Kanaya’s lips, exposing the fangs behind them. Kanaya tried biting down in response - perhaps Terezi would fly into a rage and end her, though that was a desperate wish - but Terezi’s finger was, predictably, not actually under her teeth, and so this did nothing but illicit a laugh from Terezi.

“Oh, you’re an absolute animal. Look at those teeth. How many people have they hurt, and killed, hm? Can you even keep track?” Standing, she shrugged before turning away. “Who knows? Ah well. I guess I’ll see you in... let’s call it a month.”

 

Blinking, it took Kanaya a moment to register this. Terezi’s back was already fast falling back into the darkness before she called out. “A month? What? Terezi! You can’t just... leave me here for that long!”

 

Turning around, Terezi’s grin was the only thing shining through the darkness. “Oh, but I can. You’re dead, right? You shouldn’t need anything to survive, really. At least that’s my theory. If I’m wrong, well... I guess this is goodbye. I can’t speak of the pleasure it’s been knowing you, Kanaya.” Despite shrill calls of protest from Kanaya, Terezi again turned her back, and without another word, disappeared.

 

Kanaya continued screaming into the darkness for minutes, but it did her no good. Terezi would not turn back on this - she was far too determined to see this through. And so all Kanaya could do was sit, and cry, and make futile struggles against her shackles to no avail. Her wrists hurt dreadfully, her hand and eye stung constantly, and the unending darkness around her sent a primal fear running throughout her body at all times.

 

It was always dead silent besides the movement of the chains and her shallow ragged breathing. There was nothing to do, nothing to see, nothing to keep her mind occupied. Vriska came into her head constantly, falling down, staring up at her, hand to her neck, which was pouring out all that kept her alive. Much as Kanaya struggled to purge the image from her mind, it would never escape her.

 

There was no sleeping, not like this. Her eyes were heavy and sore from both damage and crying, but she couldn’t comfortably lie down. There was no light down there, and so she had no way of telling how long had passed, so it might have been days before she finally passed out.

 

She was permitted no rest during her sleep - horrible nightmares plagued her each time she fell unconscious. Most of the time the ghostly, bloodied apparition of Vriska was there, staring at her, an accusatory glare burning right through her. Sometimes she was watching herself from the perspective of one of her victims, having her own throat torn apart. Occasionally she would hear Terezi’s laughter flit through her mind.

 

As time passed, this carried over into the waking world - whether it was actually happening or it was simply her mind decaying, she would occasionally hear booming, maniacal laughter running through her ears. Other sounds and images began to conjure themselves up - horrible screams, pools of blood running towards her, the image of Vriska walking towards her.

 

Her thirst had soon taken total control over her. As the hallucination of blood appeared, she would find herself pulling against her bonds in an attempt to lick the damp ground below. At the beginning, she started talking to herself, using it as some way to keep herself lucid during her time here, but she now found herself unable to speak beyond agonized, needy groans. 

 

Blood. She needed blood. That was all she desired - to cut herself open and drink deep of her contents. It was all she needed, just an unending river of blood, all for her. That was all she wanted.

 

Later, she forgot how to move. She spent the days still and quiet, staring ahead and being entertained by the phantasms.

 

At last, she forgot how to feel. She was a husk, motionless and, in essence, dead. 

 

Something brushed against her cheek. For a moment, she didn’t feel it, having forgotten what sensation felt like. She felt it again, though, and red filled her failing vision. Her hallucinations had never touched her before - this was something new, something exciting. A mumbling filled her ears - was that what sound was? Had sound returned to her? Were those words? What were they saying? Her name... was that her name?   
  
“-aya. Still alive? I can hear you breathing.” That was... her name was Terezi, she thought. And her name was... “Kanaya. Wake up, wake up.” She felt a prod against her head, sharp and strong. That was what feeling was, she remembered. “Are you thirsty?”   
  


Thirsty. That’s right - blood, she wanted blood. Terezi had blood, if she remembered correctly. Suddenly, she could smell it - yes, that’s right, smell was something - and she began struggling wildly, fangs bared and ready to consume. Her plight was held back by her chains, though, much as she struggled. Feral growls escaped her throat as she pulled against her bonds.

 

“This is interesting, isn’t it? It didn’t kill you to not drink, which I thought was the most likely scenario. No, instead you seem to have fallen back into some sort of primal state. I think I’ve made you more dangerous than ever...” Kanaya heard her words, but couldn't understand them. Terezi paused for a moment, inhaling deeply. She looked down at Kanaya, mouth agape for a moment before she spoke again. “Don't worry, Kanaya. You're never going to hurt anyone ever again. It’s going to take me a little while to devise how exactly I want to follow this up. I suppose you deserve a reward for waiting so patiently, though.”

 

In her hand was a blade. She raised her arm above Kanaya, and then cut into it. Blood dripped down onto the floor below, just out of reach of Kanaya’s waiting tongue. A sizeable pool had formed before pulling back and turning around. She said something else, but Kanaya was no longer paying any attention to her - instead she was pre-occupied with diving her head to the floor and lapping up what she could.

 

The sweet, sweet sensation of blood filling her mouth made her existence worthwhile for but a moment. She felt transcendent, so utterly fulfilled. Every drop of blood that didn’t seep into the ground she sucked up, and for a fleeting second she felt that beasthood wasn’t such a curse.

  
Soon enough, though, the blood had disappeared, and she was once again bound to the earth and trapped in the darkness. She was not sad, nor scared, and did not feel like crying, as feeling had escaped her once again.


	20. Chapter 18 - Cop Shoot Cop...

How long had it been? There was no light, no sound, nothing to indicate Kanaya was really living at all. Even her delusional visions had left her. All she had left was her thoughts, and even those rarely came. When they did, they were torturous - pleading, demanding her to die immediately. She desperately wished to heed their command, but she could not. Try as she might - and often she tried - there was simply no way of ending it.

 

The worst part was being unable to care - she never cried anymore, never called out for help, never talked to herself. She sat in silence, occasionally jittering or going into a temporary manic rage or passing out. Her existence had become agonizing, a never-ending void that should have filled her with the terror of knowing nothingness. That feeling never came, though. No feeling did.

 

Since she had drunk of Terezi’s blood, some facet of her sanity had been regained, though she could feel it fast slipping. It was a change she welcomed; being slave to her own bestial inevitability was not a fate she wished upon herself, certainly, but at least she would stop being aware of it all.

 

Even the physical pain had stopped. Terezi’s prediction of her not needing sustenance was partly correct - yes, it was apparent she no longer needed food and drink to survive, but it still needed it to function correctly. As her body became more and more emaciated, to the point where Kanaya could feel the skin of her chest clinging to her ribs, she found minor actions such as the movement of an arm or even focused breathing to have become completely excruciating. At least, it did, until it suddenly vanished, like all her other feelings. It was perhaps a blessing that the pain had dissipated, but feeling no sensation at all left her without opinion on the matter.

 

It was possible that Terezi intended to keep her down here forever. She may have already seen the last of her gaoler. She was to sit here and wait for her presumably immortal vessel to wither away. So this was justice, was it? To be drained of all that made you what you were, virtuous and degraded, until you were nothing but a husk awaiting their brain to rot into nothing. To have the death that you were clamoring for taken away from you. For a moment, Kanaya was close to recalling what it was like to feel fear, but that made way for grim, unconscious acceptance.

 

Light flitted into her eye, sharp and stinging after so long without. It faded quickly, but a figure emerged from the sudden brightness. It approached Kanaya slowly, and as it slumped down next to her, grinning, she saw that it took the form of Vriska. Another hallucination, another taunt from her mind, telling her ‘you did this, and if you weren’t stopped, you’d have done it again.’ The sentiment was thoroughly sunk into her at this point.

 

“You look awful.” The figure actually spoke; her delirious visions had never been able to be seen  _ and _ heard before, and her auditory hallucinations had never been quite so clear. Kanaya suspected that the bare thread of lucidity hanging onto her allowed for a clearer phantasm. She heard the words, but her mind had long abandoned the need for language, and so all she could do was stare at the figure dimly.

 

It was the very image of Vriska, smirking as she always did, wearing the coat that Kanaya had made for her. There were no ruptured veins, bite marks, or patches of blood dotting her body. She looked healthy, whole again. It was nice to see - her nightmares were so often bloody and violent. Images of a live Vriska had begun to escape her mind.

 

The phantom waved its hand in front of Kanaya’s face. “Still alive there? You’ve been here a while, haven’t you? That really sucks.”

 

Kanaya took her gaze away, opening her mouth and taking a long moment to think of something to say. This was the first thing since her ordeal began that had the potential to make her feel less hollow. She was certain she had gone completely mad, but she was far beyond the point of caring. “Are you here to laugh at me, then?” Her voice was quiet and strained. It hurt to say anything. “Will you pull out a knife and thrust it into your neck, bleed all over me, and disappear, and leave me once again feeling nothing? I understand, I killed you - and I am very, very sorry about that. But at some point, when you keep getting told about something you did wrong, it just becomes grating rather than harrowing. If you could, heaven forbid, kill me, I would appreciate your presence a lot more, but as it is I’d rather you fall back into my mind where you belong.”

 

Vriska’s apparition laughed for a moment - it was a stilted, sad laugh - and then leaned her head back against the stone wall. “Fuck, Lightbulb, you have no idea how sorry I am all of this happened. I think we all could have handled it better. But I’m gonna have to request you stop trying to cast me off as some psychotic fantasy. I’d like to think I’m pretty real.”

 

Kanaya shook her head, tempted to laugh alongside this snarky phantasm. Suddenly, she felt at least a little alive again. “Oh, please. The ghost of the matesprit I killed comes to laugh with me and try and make me feel a little better? I know what this is - it’s my mind trying to stave off its encroaching insanity. And this is a nice attempt, I’ll give it that. But I will not believe for a second that I’m being visited by some divine messenger.”

 

With a shrug, the apparition brought its arm around Kanaya’s shoulders. She could actually feel its touch; it was warm, soft, almost comforting. “C’mon, now. You died and you came back, didn’t you? Albeit as a blood-drinking candle, but... it’s not impossible, right?”

 

Basking in the warmth of the touch for a moment, Kanaya took a moment to consider before shaking her head. “That’s a convenient rationalization. Your - no, I won’t indulge this fantasy - Vriska’s situation was different from my own. She’s dead, forever. There’s no changing that.”   
  


With a sigh, Vriska placed her head down upon Kanaya’s shoulder. “Whatever. I’m not gonna tell you what to believe - maybe you’re right, maybe this is some fucked-up fantasy as you finally go completely insane. Maybe it’s not, though. Maybe I just wanted to have a quick talk with you. Believe what you want.”

 

Kanaya glanced down at the figure on her shoulder. So this was what contact felt like. It was nice. Comforting. Hesitantly, she spoke again. “Suppose I do wish to indulge in this reverie for but a moment. What is it you would have to tell me?”   
  


The supposed Vriska perked up, grinning and staring dead at Kanaya. “See, I knew I’d win you over.” She raised a fist, tapping at Kanaya’s shoulder, gently. “I just wanted to tell you... not to be too hard on yourself.” Kanaya opened her mouth to retort, but was quickly cut off. “No, no, look, I know, you killed me, and you didn’t want to, and I understand why that’s gonna bog you down a lot. Of course it is. What I’m trying to get at is... it wasn’t you that did that, alright? You wouldn’t do that to me. I know that much.”

 

This was ridiculous. “I’ve been through this with myself plenty of times already. I did do it. This is what I am - a monster with a pretence of sanity. That second part hardly seems valid now that I’m conversing with you once more. Don’t try and talk sweet and tell me I’m absolved of it all. I deserve this. I should never be a threat to anyone ever again.”

 

Vriska’s apparition crossed her arms, mumbling some obscenity to herself. “I’m not gonna get through to you, am I? You’ve already made up your mind.” Kanaya only nodded in response. “I don’t like seeing you like this, Kanaya. You’ll... figure out some way to get out of here and live normally again. I know it.”

 

Kanaya let out a laugh, a sick, painful laugh. She swore she almost coughed up her own blood. “That’s a nice thought, but if nice thoughts could save me, you’d be alive and in my arms. Keep dreaming dear.”

 

The figure stood up, sad, sad smile on her visage. “Yeah, well, I’ve had plenty of time to do that lately.” She squatted down, once more face-to-face with Kanaya. “Don’t die. That’s all I’m asking.”

 

“No promises.” Kanaya shot a similar smile back. The two shared a stare of despairing grief for a moment.  Vriska leaned forward, bring her lips close to Kanaya’s.

 

Then she was gone, and all was darkness again. Kanaya had been thrust from her maniacal fantasies back into reality. She was slumped over slightly, and deduced that she had passed out. It was simply another illusion then - another sad trick of the mind, a mind cleansed of its last designs on hope.

 

She spent another long while in the nothingness - she suspected it was weeks, but perhaps it was months, years, centuries - and her mind was on the edge of slipping back to her feral, desperate state. This fate never came to pass, though, as dim light above shined down upon Kanaya and slow, plodding footsteps could be heard. Terezi emerged, clutching a candle in one hand and a leash in the other. Behind her, attached to the leash, was a young-looking troll, severely beaten and bruised.

 

“This,” Terezi began her announcement with little to no flair, “is another one who enjoys the feeling of taking others lives. I never got his reason for it, and I doubt I will anytime soon; he appears to have misplaced his tongue.” Her voice was shaky, uneven. “I’m just going to... leave him here with you, if that’s alright.” Without awaiting a response, or so much as staring in Kanaya’s direction, she made a hasty retreat, leaving Kanaya and her new companion in darkness.

 

He approached Kanaya, taking in the image of her. Kanaya did the same. He was a fairly weedy figure, truth be told - not someone she would have expected capable of murder. People could be surprising, she supposed. He looked utterly petrified, too.

 

Waves of heat pulsed through her, hitting her all at once. Her thirst. It was a constant feeling since she had been chained, but being in such close proximity to another sent her thriving for a taste. At that moment, she revolted herself more than she thought was possible - she truly was slave to her constant need. She made no attempt to stop herself, deciding to embrace the inevitable. “Hey,” she called, “come down here. I’d like to see if you can... perhaps help me out of my bonds.”

 

He complied with her request, if only to show her that his hands were completely tied. Terezi wasn’t dim enough to let her have a chance of escape, of course. She didn’t particularly care, though - the need for blood called out to her. As he leaned closer, Kanaya brought her hands up as far as the would go, grabbing onto the back of his neck and forcing her fangs into his neck. She drank deep - indigo blood - and as quickly as he had came into her life, he was gone, a bloody mess on the floor.

 

As she had expected, no feeling came to her, no invigorating rush or will to live. It was only instinct that drove her to feed. It was meaningless. Now, under Kanaya’s gentle glow, the corpse of the nameless murderer looked up at her, face more scared and shocked than her own.

 

It was only her estimation of a day before Terezi joined them again. As the blind girl approached her, Kanaya saw that she, too, was something of a wreck. There were deep, dark spots under her eyes, and she shuffled along with a slow, unsteady gait. Kanaya suspected that she hadn’t rested much, or at all, since she had left her catch down here. She sniffed the air around Kanaya fervently, then began pacing, whispering irritated half-sounds to herself.

 

She tapped a foot against the body lying still. “Sleeping? Or did you get to him?” She sniffed again, then leaned down, running a hand over his neck and feeling around the spot where Kanaya had taken from him. “Mm. Shouldn’t have expected any less.” Running her hands over her face, she approached Kanaya, taking in a long draw of the air around her and examining her for some time. She touched her hands to Kanaya’s face, too, though what exactly she was searching for, Kanaya was unsure.

 

“I...” Terezi began, then paused. “I think it’s time I let you out, Kanaya.”

 

Kanaya blinked slowly as her mind struggled to understand the meaning behind the words. Let her out? She was to be freed? It was possible this was another game Terezi had planned out for her - or perhaps another hopeful hallucination. She did not know how to respond, and so simply stared back at Terezi, mouth agape.

 

Discerning that she would get no response, Terezi continued, “I don’t... know what I’m getting from this any more. I don’t know how to stop you! I have no idea what to do anymore.” Her fists were balled hard, and she was shaking.

 

In a way that surprised her, Kanaya found that she could understand Terezi perfectly. She found herself being able to formulate a response, barely grasping onto a newfound clarity. Almost inaudibly, Kanaya opted to make a suggestion. “If you wish to stop me... you could always kill me.”

 

“No!” Terezi swung a fist forward - Kanaya didn’t know what she was aiming for, but it made contact with the wall just above her shoulder, accompanied by a sickening crunch resonating in the air. “I told you already: you don’t just get out of what you’ve done that easily.” Kanaya felt both her shoulders being grabbed. “I want you to  _ hurt _ . Feel the pain you made everyone else feel. Make you suffer.” She paused, breathing in sharply. “I just don’t want to do it like  _ this _ anymore. This isn’t some righteous justice teaching you to repent for all you did. It’s just... torturing you. I don’t know what to do with you.”

 

Kanaya felt the glimmer of a smile form on her lips. “Are you asking me to decide my own punishment? Because I must re-iterate, all I’m going to ask for is death.”

  
“That’s not good enough!” She struck at Kanaya’s face, and though she made contact, it was somewhat of a weak hit, dull and slow. “You took her away from me, and... took so many others away from legions of people, and I don’t know if you’ll ever know the full impact of that, and that’s driving me  _ insane!” _

 

“Terezi,” Kanaya laughed quietly. “I think at this point we can say that we’re both past the threshold of sanity.” Pausing, she leaned her head forward. “I lost Vriska too. You act as if it was my choice for her to die. Certainly, there are some decisions I could have made that would have stopped her dying, but there’s no use in reflecting on the what-ifs now.” She shook her head. “I should have died some time ago. But I didn’t, and now we’re here. There will be no return to things as they were before. But you have an opportunity to get past it all. Don’t waste it on me. Let me be free, Terezi. Find a blade. Place it inside me. Move on, however long it takes.”

 

“I’ll let you out. I’m not going to kill you.” Terezi’s voice was a low growl.

 

Kanaya stared at her, vaguely bewildered. “I’m just going to do it myself the second I get up there. It would be quicker and simpler just to do it now.”   
  
She heard a click, and suddenly the shackles were gone. It felt strange to not have them weighing heavy on her wrists, far too light. “I’m not going to be the one to kill you. That’s your decision.”

 

Kanaya was free - in a way. She still felt far too weak to move at all. Perhaps that was a good thing - half of her mind was calling out to her to jump forward and dive her fangs into Terezi, both to drink and to take some form of revenge. The other half was simply tired, ready to shut down.

 

“Alright, then. I can’t seem to move right now, though. Do you think you could... take me up?”

 

Terezi grinned, though tears had begun trickling down her face. “Fine.” That was all she said before picking up Kanaya with relative ease. She supposed she had gotten very light. 

 

Seeing light for the first time in what she assumed was months was a painful experience - it shot straight into her eye, stinging and blinding her. She hissed in pain as she readjusted, but at last the sight of Vriska’s living space re-entered her vision. It was almost exactly as she recalled it, though somewhat cleaner. Terezi must have been keeping it as tidy as she could. What a nice thought.

 

Kanaya was placed down upon one of Vriska’s chairs. Terezi wordlessly moved away before returning shortly, knife in hand. Kanaya could only stare when the blade was outstretched to her. This was it, then. It was at last time. It almost seemed too easy. When Kanaya didn’t take it, Terezi forced it into her hands. “Well? Go on then. Do it.”

 

Kanaya ran a finger over the blade, letting the blood drip down from her finger. “Do you remember...?”

 

Terezi sighed. “Kanaya, I thought you wanted to die. Get it over with. You told me to move on, I’d like to start doing that.”

 

“What, am I not allowed last words? Please, humour me.” Terezi glared at her, but nodded. “Do you remember when you came across me and Vriska acting out some of the things we’d read in my books? You were so angry at her. I think she had promised to do something else with you. You argued for about an hour, but by the end, she had convinced you to join us.”

 

Chewing at her lip, Terezi’s spoke in a low mumble. “What is this? Some last ditch attempt to make me feel bad?”

 

“Not at all. It’s just... a nice memory. You played the part of the drinker, us the hunters trying to track you down. We played until the sun came up. By that time, we were all bruised and bloodied.” 

 

Through all her tears and shaking, Terezi smiled vaguely. “Vriska almost knocked my teeth out.”

 

Kanaya laughed, nodding. “You’re right, I’d forgotten that.” She paused, turning the blade in her hand. “That was a nice day.”

 

“It was.”

 

Kanaya brought the blade up, watching it glint in the light. “Thank you for this mercy, Terezi.”

 

“Is that what it is?” She stood up, back to Kanaya.

 

“Oh, it very much is. This should have happened quite some time ago.” Kanaya, too, was now crying, as she aimed the blade towards her heart. She searched for a last thought, something nice and warm to take her out. Plenty came to mind - the wonderful feeling of the first time she had fed, the many nights she had spent outside playing, feeling accepted. The more recent warm days with Vriska. One image stuck, though: that of Vriska admiring herself in the mirror, wearing the very same coat Kanaya had made for her. She was so dazzling then, so confident and beautiful. So alive. 

 

The blade came down, and for a moment Kanaya felt a sharp pain, but at long last, everything was black.

 

_________

 

It had been fourteen nights since last Terezi had talked to anyone. She still hadn’t left Vriska’s hive - she wasn’t sure if she was ready to leave. Most of the bloodstains that marked the floor and furniture she had taken care of, and the ones that refused to disappear, however small they were, were tossed out with the rest of the object attached. The hive was always quiet, but it was a quiet that Terezi appreciated. Everything had been far, far too loud for too long now. This silence was a far call from the unending nothingness she had been subjected to before. Now it felt serene, freeing.

 

The silence was rendered even more impactful by the passing of Vriska’s lusus. It was not Terezi’s place to feed it, nor did she have an notion of doing so. There had been too much bloodshed already - a life taken just for the rush of the taste of blood, just to keep the spider fed. She was tired of caring about what was ‘just.’ All she wanted now was to keep what was left.

 

She cried a lot, lost deep in her own thoughts... what closure  _ had _ she found? Vriska was gone, and would always be, and she couldn’t help but feel that Kanaya had got away too easily. The drinker’s words resonated with her when these thoughts became too violent, though - there was no use reflecting. What is done has been done.

 

It was the hardest thing she would ever have to do, or so she hoped, but somehow she would have to move on. She had no idea how to start this process - the ghosts of both Vriska and Kanaya haunted her mind constantly - but she would have to get used to walking in the dark if she wanted to keep steady.

  
Picking herself up, she took in one last breath of the air within the hive. There were a lot of smells clinging to the hallway, but the scent of blood that had once clung to everything had since faded away. Opening the grand doors and taking a second gulp of the fresh air outside, she began to make her way back to her own hive.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And so that's the end.
> 
> Thanks for reading this, yo. I've never really completed anything like this before, and it's been great hearing that people like this so much.
> 
> See you for the next fic.


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